Post # 1
First of all this si my first vent, I’m a bit smug about it.. lol.
Yesterday Fiance looked at the guest list we putted together with Future Mother-In-Law, later when talking to them he mentioned she wants to invite some of their neighbors. This is a problem to me for a number of reasons:
- We both have big families, so we need to keep it simple (just immediate family and extremely close friends).
- I like the idea of having a wedding as intimate as possible, for me that means only having people either the bride or groom know (no parents’ friends who have no idea who we are).
- I want this to be our wedding with our guests and not our parents (I’ve already told my mom this but she hasn’t commented yet).
When telling Future Mother-In-Law that I want an intimate wedding and I told my mom that, she answered: Well that’s what you’ll do with your invites, [FI] can do whatever he wants with his’.
This is entirely true, except he told me he doesn’t want to invite neighbors either. If he wants to there’s absolutely no problem (he’s paying for most of the wedding anyway) but I really don’t want Mrs. X and her 5 daughters there just cause one of her daughters is friends with Future Sister-In-Law.
On top of that every guest costs, I don’t want to spend a fortune in a bunch of strangers. I’m really stressed for this, I don’t want to lose control over this and have a bunch of stranger who barely know our names!
Post # 3
I understand where you’re coming from, but I think you should leave it up to Fiance to deal with his mom (considering he’s the one paying for most of the wedding). Is there anyone you or Fiance want there who would be excluded on the list by including them? If so, that could be a good argument.
A compromise I made with my parents was after we made the guest list, we showed it to them and told them that these were the people they were inviting. My parents agreed that if there were any extra people (their co-workers, etc) they wanted to have there, they would pay for them.
Post # 4
it sounds like this problem is already solved. it’s up to your FH, and you are both on the same page about not inviting neighbors. if FH chooses to spend his invites how he likes, according to your Future Mother-In-Law, then there will not be any neighbors invited.
just tell him to be strong and not cave to pressure from his mom.
Post # 5
I completely understand you way of thinking because I think and want the same. I agree with reginaphalange, let your Fiance handle the situation with your Future Mother-In-Law. My Fiance, Future Mother-In-Law, and I sat down this past weekend to do our list and everything went well until she started adding people who neither my Fiance and I don’t even know. After Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance had their spats I said to them that IF we had room once we have accommodated all our guests who had to come to wedding then FMIL’s guest can come. Also, we also agreed that if some of the guests that we want to come cannot make it then we would allow FMIL’s guests take their spots.
Post # 6
Ugghh…well first off they are NOT HIS invites they are BOTH of your invites. To me in sounds like you and Fiance are on the same page and now it is up to him to break the news to Future Mother-In-Law about the invites, remind him to be firm on his standing. If they can’t come to an agreement, then since you are the ones mailing them just don’t send an invite to those people (most people aren’t going to show up at a wedding without being formally invited). We came to an agreement with my Future Mother-In-Law that we would send out invites to the initial guest list we had agreed on and as regrets come in we will send out invites to the “B” list guests. There is nothing as awkard as, “*hug* Hi, uhhh I;m sorry what is your name and you are friends with ____?” at your own wedding (happened at my babyshower- made both me and the unknown (to me at least) guest uncomfortable. Good Luck!
Post # 7
The problem here is that we’re far from reaching our venues capacity, and altough we have a budget it’s not exaclt set in stone (isn’t it always the case? =S)
Her saying he can do whatever he wants with his invites hitted a nerve, I was really upset about this, but she’s right he can invite whoever he wants, I just want it to be because he wants those people there and not cause his mom pushed him into it.
Our real problem’s food cause is just an extra 1000 pesos to accomodate 100 more guests, food on the other hand is fee per guest, so having 5 more people escalates our budget.
Post # 8
@ShennaB2b: OMG that’s exactly what I don’t want, people we don’t know there. As mean as it sounds I’ll feel these people will be there for the food and music instead of being there for us.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
We told both of our parents that they got 10 people beyond the family they could invite (which I thought was quite generous, because that’s about how many we gave ourselves), but that could be a good option for you. I Future Mother-In-Law wants to waste them on the neighbors, that’s her deal.
Post # 10
I’m dealing with basically the same thing- trying to keep the guest list down by not inviting the 40 kids in our families or that belong to our friends- and Future Mother-In-Law is insisting we make exceptions for a few of them. FH and I agreed- no kids, no exceptions- but she’s being so pushy that it’s stressing us both out and creating tension. He wants his mom to be happy, and of course so do I- but she’s pressuring him to include these kids (who he’s never even met) and I know that the only reason he’s even considering it is because of her being so insistant and pushy. It’s making me CRAZY! Not to mention that my entire huge family is all complying and has had no problem with the no-kids deal. We even offered a babysitter on the premises for the kids so parents or whatever can check on them whenever they want (literallyl 15 feet from the wedding, inside the Inn)- but one woman (FMIL’s sister) is absolutely refusing, and is adamant about showing up with the toddler in tow. *sigh* FH goes back and forth between agreeing with me and supporting me, and then trying to stand up to Future Mother-In-Law (his mom), but then gets so stressed he just wants to say yes to her so she’ll drop it already. Sometimes I feel like that but I feel like I need to stand firm, no exceptions.
Post # 11
@SarahConnors: What a peach.. your FMIL’s sister. I hate when people do that “it’s not your wedding lady, you’re a guest, it’s not up to you what’s done there!”
We’re inviting kids but just family kids (lots of kids in the family). I’m just realizing that some of these neighbors have kids! kids we don’t know. I’m fine with having kids that day cause we know our little cousins and as bad behaved as thay could be we know how they can be handled and we don’t mind much cause, well they’re family.
Darn I hate this!