Post # 1
I’m having a small wedding (100 max), and I’m having a difficult time with my guest list. I’d appreciate advice for any or all of the following:
If I invite one first cousin, should I invite them all? I’m close with one but not another in the same family.
I have friends that I’ve known since childhood, but we only correspond a couple times a year…birthday cards, christmas cards…rarely phone calls. I moved about 300 miles away and since then not one of them has visited me, but expect visits when I go back there. I was Maid of Honor for two of them. Part of me wants to include them and part of me doesn’t want to bother. Thoughts?
I have a cousin that has quite a few adult children (2nd cousins to me). I’m close with half of them and would like to include them. When I asked their mom for their addresses, she was upset that I didn’t want all the addresses. Should I invite the ones I’m close with anyway, not invite any of them, or invite all of them?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
I was just talking about this with my grandmother and mother. I was told that I cannot pick and choose. People are going to get upset, it’ll cause more stress, and people will boycott the wedding. It’s proper etiquette to invite all first cousins if you do plan to invite one. Same goes for the second cousins. I would refrain from inviting them if you cannot invite all.
I have a problem with this because I am closer to my grandmother’s side of the family rather than my grandfather’s (these two are basically my parents), so my grandmother told me if invited her sister’s children, I’d have to invite my grandfather’s sibiling’s children. I told her that I shouldn’t have to considering they never included me in any sort of family activities unless she told them she was bringing me along. So, it’s something I have to sit down and really think about.
Post # 4
I’m trying to go 150 max but I would really like to invite a lot more. We made separate lists. Family.
Family that we would like to invite but don’t have to have.
Family that we don’t have to have at all.
Friends we would like to invite but don’t have to have.
Friends that we don’t have to have at all.
And so on..
This helped us. We actually cut it down to 90 right now!
Post # 5
It’s really hard to counsel you on this because family/friend relationships are so personal and nuanced.
Technically, if you are paying for the wedding, you can invite whomever you damn well please (excepting things like you have to invite spouses etc.) so you are perfectly within your “rights” to invite half the cousins, these relatives but not those, etc. And you don’t have to reciprocate and invite people just because you were invited to their weddings. That doesn’t mean however, that you won’t encounter hurt feelings, which is another issue entirely (witness the event with your aunt). For that reason, I think that it’s a lot easier on sanity to try applying “all or nothing” thinking: either you invite all children or none; all cousins or none; etc. etc. Then it’s very cut-and-dry and people don’t get hurt.
But it seems to me that if you are committed to a small wedding already and if you’re having this much trouble, cut your guest list in half. Seriously–make it 50 people instead of 100. When you have fewer spaces, you’ll suddenly become very aware of who REALLY matters and who is just “nice to have.” It may turn out that out of all those relatives, there’s only like 1-2 that you really feel strongly about, and if you invited just those two, it’s harder for the other 50 to feel “left out.”
Post # 6
@crh1729: That’s a smart way of going about it. I think I may have to do so myself. I was reading my draft list earlier and my grandmother pointed out people that I don’t HAVE to have there. But, that’s where I argued with her. I don’t have many friends anymore (soooo much drama ever since I started dating J) so I am inviting the few that I do have just so it’s not strictly family.