Post # 1
I’d appreciate some advice regarding our guest list please!! Basically we are having a small wedding of immediate family and close friends. Two of my closest friends just discovered that they are pregnant and are due just before my December wedding so now they are unable to attend. Our guest number without these girls/partners is currently 26 (28 including us). We have to pay for a minimum of 30 guests whether we have 30 in attendance or not.
The majority of invited guests are my friends and family (my FI loves all my friends so he has adopted them as his own but I worry he is being under-represented… this is FI’s second marriage so he “lost” a lot of his previous friends following his divorce as they were mutual friends with his wife). My FI and I actually met at work where we both have mutual friends. The issue is this…. there are only 3-4 people we would be interested in inviting – people we both find great and people we would have round for a bbq etc. Originally we decided on no work colleagues as we thought it would upset uninvited colleagues. It is impossible to invite them all (15) as it would upset the dynamic/balance of our small intimate wedding.
Other staff members have been married in the last 2-3 years and have chosen to invite 4-5 colleagues and not all. I don’t think it has caused too much trouble but who knows how people truly feel behind closed doors? My main concern is this….I am a teacher, and my teaching partner is a similar age to me. She is the person I speak to most at work. However she is NOT someone I would invite over for a BBQ…she and I are great work colleagues but that is all. Also my FI doesn’t really like her. Her room mate and I click however (the room mate is another teacher at the school) and she has attended my birthdays in the past, we’ve gone out for dinner drinks etc. More importantly, my FI is also friends with this person. If we decide to invite the room mate I am worried that my teaching partner will feel upset and it will cause waves/drama etc. It is important to me to have a peaceful working relationship with others. The other person my FI said he would really like to invite is a teacher who no longer works at out school. She is still in contact with work colleagues though, so people would find out that she had been invited but not others.
Overall my FI is very easy going and says he soen’t mind either way. That I should choose.
Is it better / safer just to invite no one from work? My FI says he is ok calling my friends “our” friends at the wedding but I want him to feel really supported on our special day. The one friend he had invited is the husband of one of the pregnant friends so he can no longer attend. FI is only having his kids, his parents, and his sister, brother in law and kids in attendance. What should I do??
Thanks bees! Sorry this went on for so long, hope it makes sense.
This topic was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by ne11y23.
Post # 2
Hey bees! I don’t mean to be uncool and comment on my own thread….I just thought I would see if anyone has any ideas for me…. Sorry my thread is boring etc. Just need some helpful advice on this one! 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
Donyou really want them there? 20 years from now when you are looking at your wedding picture will you be telling your kids that they were some random people from work just to fill a quota or make FI feel better? Or are they truly good friends that you want by your side on your big day. 30 people is pretty intimate, so I feel like your guest list should really be your closest friends and family.
If your worried about drama with your colleagues, the infancy of a small wedding is a totally acceptable reason why some or all cant be invited. If their married they will most likely understand.
Post # 4
Thank you! Really good advice. I think my heart agrees with you. Sometimes when you spend too much time on the bee you get caught up in wedding hype and think “oh maybe I need a big party with some cool people”. Also my closest friend is getting married in July and her guest list is 200! I guess I worry that there wont be enough young people or enough people for FI – it’s really just my 3 best friends and their families and my family and his. I want people to dance!! Maybe the truth is that I’m just lamenting the absence of 2 SUPER fun friends who are (very happily) pregnant. I certainly don’t wish that they weren’t, it’s more that my dynamic is stuffed up now! It happens so easily with such a small crowd! One person can’t come and suddenly the whole weddding has a different feel! Oh well, I just need to deal. Thanks for reminding me of what’s important. xx
Post # 5
If you are worried it would cause drama, that is your answers. An invite should be mindless. Would you rather fill that spot with a couple people that arent close, or have those two less spots? I would just not worry about inviting anyone else.
Post # 6
I’d say you are a genius for keeping the list that small! (28 is exactly the number on MY side of the family, and this is just brotherss, sisters and aunts… Not even cousins!!!)
And I agree, you don’t want to look at the picture and see that the extra two people were more “fillers” than original guests… even less when this will bring you tensions in your professional environment (what you said about the teaching partner makes it tough!)
Because of my personal experience and struggle keeping the list small, I would say you’re hitting the jackpot at 28 guests… Pay the extra two and consider it your peace-of-mind-fee!
OR… how far along is the wedding? Maybe talk to FI and give him that time to come up with someone else he’d like to bring?
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza
amoore2: +1 EXACTLY what I was thinking.
Also, maybe since you’ll be coming in under 30 people, maybe your venue could throw in a little something extra. Our venue did this. We had to pay for 120 people, but only had 111 (113 including ourselves), so they threw in an extra hors d’oeuvre.
Post # 8
Thanks so much everyone for your advice! It’s nice to hear that 28 guests sounds apealing to some people. I shouldn’t complain. I have found the most perfect oasis on a lake with 10 luxury treehouses connected by a boardwalk and everyone is staying the night before and evening of. It will be wonderful. I need to stop worrying. xx