Post # 1
Do I have to invite all my uncles on my dad’s side that I hardly ever talk to or see? I mean we are 99% sure they would not make the 1,000 mile trip here to see us get hitched and we are limited on our budget. We want to invite one of my dad’s brothers and his wife because she is my godmother. The other 3 brothers (wives and their children) I haven’t seen or talked to in a few years aside from my brother’s wedding back in August (And my brother got married in New England where they all live, that is why they were for sure invited there and my brother is closer to them than I ever was). We have friends who live in the same city as us, whom we have relationships with, that are not on our list because I have always assumed I HAVE to invite all my aunts of uncles. But my Mom is looking at me like I am crazy because I don’t really know them all that well. What do you all think?
EDIT: FYI: Dad is not paying for a single thing for this wedding.
Post # 3
who is paying?
if its your dad and he wants to invite them i think you should
however if you and your Fiance are paying you just need to explain to your dad and his family if asked that your venu only held a small number of people and send them an announcment.
Post # 4
No my Dad isn’t paying for a thing. Myself, Fiance, Mom, and FI’s Dad and Step Dad are all pulling together to pay.
Post # 5
My fiance isn’t inviting all of his father’s siblings, because he isn’t at all close with them (I’m not even sure he knows all their names!). And I’m not inviting my father’s side of the family, because I’ve only seen them a handful of times in my life. So I think you’re fine.
Post # 6
That makes me feel better. I get along with them and all, but we don’t have the budget to invite them along with the friends we would like to have with us that day.
Post # 7
Wait, do you mean your dad’s brothers or your dad’s uncles?
I’m pretty sure it’s mandatory to invite all your parent’s siblings to a wedding. If they don’t make it, they don’t make it.
Post # 8
It would be kinda mean to not even invite the others when you’re inviting one uncle already. At least give them the option to decide if they want to attend or not. Especially since they got invites (and attended) your brother’s wedding.
Post # 9
I agree with tiffybear- it would be pretty rude to invite some of your uncles and not the others. It is definitely something they would hear about and it would probably offend them. For a wedding, family always comes first. You don’t know how your relationship with your local friends will change, but your uncles will always be your uncles. Also, you can see your local friends all the time anyways, and maybe have a separate celebration with them if you want, and this might be one of the only opportunities your uncles have celebrate with you.
You should invite them. If they make the trip, then obviously you are more important to them than they are to you. If they say no, then you can invite your local friends, since they won’t need as much notice to make travel arrangements. Win- win 🙂
Post # 10
I guess I just don’t see it being necessary since they have never been part of my life. I forget two of their names a lot of the time. My mom doesn’t think i should invite them. They havent been part of my life. The difference between my brother and i is that we are 7 years apart. He had a little more of a relationship with them because my parents didn’t divorce until he was 11, I was 4. And then at 13 I moved to Louisville. I don’t think any of them would offended either. I don’t get Christmas cards or birthday cards from any of them. I’ve never talked to one of them on the phone. I quite honestly feel awkward around them because I don’t know them. I am not sure what to talk about.
Post # 11
I think it sort of depends on your family’s culture. Does everyone tend to get invited to weddings? Or are they smaller?
For example, in my FI’s family weddings are something that the whole family goes to on his mom’s side and it would be a slight of epic proportions to not invite all of them (60 people!!). However they all live locally and get the whole clan together for Christmas and Easter as well, so it’s not like you never see them then have to invite them to your wedding.
My family on the other hand is much less close, I am inviting all of my mom’s cousins etc. because I’m able to, but they wouldn’t be hurt if I couldn’t.
I did draw the line at my granma’s cousin’s children. I invited her cousin (who is a delightful woman that has let me stay in her home before) but not her children/grandchildren who I’ve met precisely once.
Post # 12
You can invite and not invite whomever you like. Etiquette supports this. Being a blood relative does not entitle you to an invitation.
Personally, I invited 1 of 2 of my moms brothers. Both of my dad’s siblings. One with kids and one without. We based it on closeness. We see my dads brother kids several times a year. I never see other cousins (last time was years ago).
However you have to judge your situation and judge if there will be hurt feelings. You can be within the lines of etiquette and still cause hurt feelings.
Post # 13
If you really aren’t close to them, I see no reason to be obligated to invite them.
Post # 14
As long as you are not fronting any travel costs it doesn’t hurt to invite them… If they are not in close touch with the family then the chances of them actually coming are very slim.
Post # 15
Invite the people you want to be there.
Post # 16
Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I think if our budget allows us to we will extend the invitation BUT I am going to talk with my Dad or my Grandma (his mom) first. They tell it like it is and wouldn’t freak out if I told them I was thinking of not inviting my other uncles. I will let everyone know how that goes!