(Closed) Guest list and address annoyance

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hand them a list of the people who have missing info and tell them that they have 7 days to get the list completed or the people with missing information will not be invited.  They want those people invited, they need to provide the information you need.  I’d have a spreadsheet with blanks for every name you need plus a space for the address and a space for a phone number so that you can call them if you need to confirm RSVP.

Post # 4
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@ziggy86:  I relate.  Future Mother-In-Law makes me feel obligated to invite people I’ve never met.  She’s gone as far as saying that they won’t actually come to the wedding, they just want to send a gift.  (Can you get that in writing?!)  Shoot me.

The irony is that I started this wedding planning by saying “We are only inviting people WE want to be at our wedding!”  Then Future Mother-In-Law gets involved, and it’s a matter of trying to NOT piss her off… Never thought in a million years I’d be in this situation.  LOL 

 @zomgwut:  This is a great solution!

Post # 6
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@zomgwut:  I actually did this. I started with FI’s list of first names (including multiple people with the same first name and no indication of which one was which) and had him and Future Mother-In-Law fill in the missing people. I have since updated it to a spreadsheet with the title, first name, last name, address, phone number 1, phone number 2, email, and children’s first and last names (and ages, but you can leave that one off because we get half price under a certain age and free under a different age so it makes a big difference). I highlighted all the missing areas in red and plan on sending it to Future Mother-In-Law in July, and Fiance gets it in June (right after classes end lol). Hopefully this way Fiance does most of the work and Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have to do that much. I was planning on doing this for my side too, but my parents both gave full addresses ect. when I asked a couple months ago. And I of course am filling in my friends (I’m mostly done but a lot of them are moving in the next couple months).

ETA: Its also good to organize it by invitation, so that you have couples and their children on the same line so that you know you only need one invitation for that group. And it makes the seating chart easier later on because you have a reference for how to group people.

Post # 7
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Annoying another option I did was go through my cousin who got married recently and steal names and addresses, I also got Fi’s cousin to do the same so we have half our guestlist most recent address and real names. For my cousin’s I went through and weeded out all the names took and hour and half and was annoying as hell. With Fi’s cousin I was luckly she kept three guest list, so I just got one for his mom side of the family. I’m also planning on calling up Future Sister-In-Law and seeing if she saved the info from Dad’s side of the family she got married two years ago so she might have it.

So if you have any family members who got married on their side call and ask them.

Post # 8
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You know what this did?  This made me realize that I have to do this for Christmas this year.  We’re sending out Save-The-Date Cards in Jan and invites in April for July wedding.  Craaaaaap.

Post # 10
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@Luv2BeachIt:  Does my Fiance have a secret brother I don’t know about?

She’s gone as far as saying that they won’t actually come to the wedding, they just want to send a gift.  (Can you get that in writing?!)  Shoot me.

EXACT same thing happened to me. We’re not getting married for the gifts, and we want to be surrounded by people who love us. WHY would you want to send a gift to a distant relative who hasn’t seen you in over 15 years? 

I don’t see why getting addresses is so hard. But apparently it is, because both Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law gave me the wrong address for his SISTER, so her save the date card bounced. Ahhh…Families!!

Post # 11
674 posts
Busy bee

I started fixing this issue by starting a list for Christmas cards. It’s not everyone we’ll invite, but it’s a large percentage of the folks.

Post # 12
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do you have first and last names and a general town/area name?  You can always find them on whitepages.com or zillow.com.  It sucks if they have more common names, but many times these sites list the age bracket so you’ll likely find at least some of the info.

I also like the idea of telling the Future In-Laws that you have X number of days to get the addresses, or forget it.

Post # 13
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Luv2BeachIt:  That’s excatly what my Mother-In-Law said.. “they won’t come, but you need to invite them, plus the more people you invite, the more who will send gifts.. even if they don’t come”

Yes.. I’m getting married because of the gifts that come with it. Right.


@ziggy86:  This happened to me sorta. Except, I made the list of who to invite. I talked with Fiance, we made the list of his family we wanted to invite. Then, his parents went to Costa RIca for 6 months and didn’t give the addresses. We emailed them for months asking for the addresses and they just never gave them. I sent out my invites early, they went out at the end of Feb I think. They got back from Costa Rica at the beginning of April. About 2 weeks after they got back, they gave me a list of 15 more family members that they wanted invited. ( That’s 15 individual cousins/aunts etc with guests and dates, so over 30 more people ) I almost lost my mind! In the end it turned into a fight I didn’t feel like fighting so I sent the invites out even though it put us over our max by 25 people. I told Fiance if too many people came then he could deal with it.

To get our addresses we just ended up asking around to get email addresses an sent emails asking for the address. Super Annoying and time consuming. 


Post # 14
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Fiance and I have only done a preliminary list so we know what size venue to book, so we haven’t had to deal with getting addresses quite yet, BUT… was anyone else frustrated with how little your Fiance knew about who he was inviting?! Mine wasn’t even sure of the spelling of some of his aunt’s and cousins names! Seriously, I know they are his family (distant…), but if you don’t even know their last name, do they really need to be invited?

Sorry, mini-vent.

Post # 16
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had the same problem with my Future Mother-In-Law. She said to just send her entire extended family invitations, that they probably wouldnt come and would just see it as an announcement. Um, that’s what we’re sending ANNOUNCEMENTS for! I’m aiming for a small wedding, but I think that concept is foreign to some people. 

I ended up sending her an email with a deadline and a list of the information that i needed. There was one uncle who’s address I never received, so he didn’t get an STD…

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