Post # 1
My mom offered to pay for a catering hall reception for her side of the family and my fiance family can invite whoever they will just have to pay for their plates. They believe my mom should pay for the whole wedding and it’s disgusting that she is not . My mom always has been a single parent and I can not force her to pay for anything she doesn’t want to or can’t . They think we should just cancel the whole reception because they want 200 people there and my mom can not afford that . We are getting married after graduation from college so funds are limited.
Post # 2
She doesn’t have to give anything. She is generously offering to pay hER half and it is “disgusting”?! Frankly, the only “disgusting” is this entitled attitude
Post # 3
I understand that money is an issue, but marriage is a lot about the joining of two families. I find it incredibly rude that your mother wants to only pay for her side. I’d either go all or nothing to minimize the bad blood that this reception could create. If I were a part of his family and knew this, I’d believe that you wouldn’t care much for his family at all. It’s very tacky to invite people to a wedding then charge them for their food. My very Italian family would blow a gasket at the whole situation. Maybe cut down the guest list or find a cheaper caterer? Are they contributing to the wedding?
Post # 4
I wonder if part of this is the way it has been communicated? The way you say it “her side” and “they have to pay for their plates” sounds quite divisive and somewhat harsh. But, for example, she ‘can afford to help us with half the cost of the wedding’ sounds more reasonable – even though it is essentially the same thing.
Ultimately though, your mum is not obligated to contribute anything at all. Anything she wants to contribute should be accepted gracefully. However, your mum cannot dictate where the other half comes from. If your in laws don’t want to contribute you will have to save up yourselves.
Post # 5
I think (I could be wrong) that OP’s mom meant that her FI’s parents can invite their family as long as they, the parents, pay for it.
She should not be expected to foot the bill for everyone, so no, it’s not disgusting of her to do that.
If you want both sides to be equal, have both sides pay, contribute extra to fill in his side, or cut down to the bare minimum and have a small wedding.
Post # 6
There’s a lot of room in between “no reception” and “200 people from each family”. Cut down the guest list to closer relatives only, something you and your mother can afford. 200 people from one family is insane. If your mother-in-law isn’t happy that all her 2nd and 3rd cousins aren’t invited, she doesn’t need to attend.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel
I don’t think OP meant that she thinks it’s disgusting- I think she was saying that her fiance’s family thinks it’s disgusting (because she goes on to stand up for her mom next)
Post # 8
They consider your mom not paying FOR THEM to be “disgusting”? Wow, they are pretty nervy. They want your mom to pay for their 200 people because…you’re the bride and the bride’s mom for whatever reason is supposed to pay?
On the other hand, why would your mom pay for only her side anyway? That isn’t the way it works either.
Post # 9
I agree with a PP who was wondering whether the way it was positioned exacerbated the problem with FIs parents at all? I think the first thing to do would be to sit down and come up with a budget you can afford and then draft a combined guest list which fits within budget. Even if FIs parents aren’t contributing anything I would have thought you would take them into account when deciding who to invite, right. Or are you saying that literally none of FIs family or family friends will get an invite unless his parents pay on a per head basis? Because if so than I can understand why that may cause problems.
Post # 10
with all due respect the disgusting attitude was to the ones who assumed the mother would pay for it all. I never blamed the OP
Post # 11
Everyone is so off-base here. It sounds like no one cares who you and your Fiance want to invite and everyone wants to throw parties for themselves, using you and Fiance as an excuse, and spending as much of other people’s money as possible. How ridiculous and unpleasant.
Why is your mom volunteering your FI’s family to pay for anything? No one is entitled to spend anyone else’s money, and surely it would fall to the couple to pay for the remainder of the ceremony unless someone else offered money. Of course your future in-laws are being ridiculous, trying to volunteer your mom to pay for 200 more people, and trying to dictate the guest list of a party they’re not contributing to. Do you and your Fiance have any say in this party? If not, why do you want it?
Post # 12
It is very generous of your mom to offer to pay for your side. it is your and your FI’s responsibility to pay for the wedding and she has offered to help you. You and Fiance have to pick up the slack for the rest of the guests. Just because your FIL’s want to invite 200 people doesn’t mean they get to.
Am I correct in assuming they think it is the bride’s family’s responsibility to pay for the wedding? Are they pretty traditional?
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel
Oh well in that case, I am with you! I hate hearing stories like this where someone is trying to be generous and others are spitting in their face. It’s heartbreaking!
Post # 14
Yeah, the attitude is icky, but at the same time, if you want a wedding, you need to be prepared to pay for it yoruselves. Anything else is a bonus. I was more than halfway through planning before my mother mentioned she’d like to pay for something. I never asked and once we gave it some thought, suggested she buy the beer so she could take the leftovers home (there weren’t any, but whatever) since we don’t care for beer. Likewise with my husband’s parents. They offered to pay for brunch and we actually forgot all about it until his dad asked for the bill a month after the wedding. You do not need a 3-400 person wedding. If you are just starting life, short on cash and not getting support elsewhere, then it’s time to tone down that guest list to something that is feasible.
I hope your in-laws either get clarity regarding what your mom meant, or realize that the plan is not “disgusting” though, cause that’s a bad attitude as well!
Post # 15
Your FH’s family saying it is “disgusting” is harsh and inappropriate. Your mother is generously paying what she can afford which should be seen as a gift and not as a slight to his side of the family. Hopefully your Father-In-Law will soon realize that her contribution was meant as a gift, that she could pay for the amount of people that would be attending from your side of the family. Hopefully if your explain her contribution as a gift then maybe they will be a little more receptive to it.