(Closed) Guest List and Hurt Feelings

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wellk I can see how she’s feeling. You made an assumption and yet still nicluded her in everything EXCEPT the big day. She’s a best friend and you didn’t invite her? I’d be hurt if i were her, too. It’s like eating cake in front of a diabetic!

Tell her that due to financial constraints/budgets/small wedding, you had a small guest list to begin with. But now you feel SUPER guilty about not inviting her and want her to come. If you want to invite her that is. Sometimes a late invite is still better than no invite.

I can appreciate that you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place though =( 

Post # 4
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, it depends what you mean by "she was involved in parts of the planning and showers"?

Are you saying that she was invited to the showers and involved in the wedding planning but was not invited to the actual wedding?  If that’s the case and I was her, I would be upset too! 

Since it’s in the past, my only advice for you is to apologize to her.

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with the above two comments. That is why I am a firm believer in the rule that if they are not invited to the wedding than they should not be invited to anything else (shower, bachelorette, any wedding activities). I would be very upset if I were her.

Could you invite her now at an attempt to make her feel better?

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree with the others – I’d be sad to be included in planning and showers but not the actual day.  If you can apologize and extend her an invite that’d be a nice gesture, I think. 

Did you talk to her early on to let her know that she wouldn’t be invited to the wedding but you’d hope she participate in other ways?  I could see if she had been made aware of it early on, she shouldn’t be upset.  But your original post sounds like you might not have told her?

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m interested too, in what exactly you mean by her being involved with the planning and shower.  Did she know when she got involved that she wouldn’t be invited to the wedding?  If no, that was an etiquette mistake.  (Particularly inviting someone to a shower, who is not invited to the wedding.)  Also, it’s probably not much consolation, if she threw you a shower or was really with you on dress shopping or cake tasting etc., but was denied an invitation.  That’s like helping someone bake a cake and not get to eat any of it.  Sure it can be fun to bake it.  But if you’re doing all baking, and no eating, that’s called work.

If you were upfront with telling her she wasn’t getting an invitation, but she still wanted to go along with the planning anyway, I can see how you feel like you were snuck up on with her hurt feelings.  But honestly, I don’t see how she wasn’t going to feel bad, helping you plan such a great day, she wasn’t even going to witness.  In hind sight, it’s probably best to not get people involved who won’t be going, even if they think they’ll be OK with it. 

A little more detail might be needed.  But what can you do now, except apologize?  Maybe a peace offering.

Post # 9
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry you feel badly about the situation. I do think I would feel similarly to your friend and I think you now realize that you would too! There’s nothing else you can really do but apologize sincerely and hope she can get past it.

I think this is a really helpful post for future brides who are dealing with similar guest list issues! Thanks for coming on and sharing your situation, I’m sure it will help others. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry, JALA.  Maybe she thought just being a part of the process would make her feel better. Or that she’d regret not being a part, in some way.  But realized it hurt, after all.

I agree with GaBgal, that the best thing here is for future brides to learn something.

good luck, working things out with your friend.  I’m sure you can get past this.

The topic ‘Guest List and Hurt Feelings’ is closed to new replies.

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