Post # 1
Does anyone else have guest list anxiety? We’ve only been engaged for a couple weeks, but since we’re flying home to look at locations next month, we’ve had to begin the guest list to get a sense of numbers. We just e-mailed it out to our parents (3 sets) today and they are already trying to add and subtract like crazy. One set of parents are upset that everyone they know isn’t on the list, one set suggested (helpful) cuts, and I’m sure the third set is going to demand cuts/want to add their friends anyway. My fiance is awesome and has declared loudly that it is our wedding, and ultimately we’ll do what we want, but I’m quickly realizing that no matter what we do, not everyone is going to be happy. The sparkle of my engagement ring is starting to fade… Anyone else feeling the stress yet?! Just want to know that I’m not alone, and this is normal. The good news is that we have about a year to let the dust settle on all this. I’m just figuring out that it’s not all going to be magical!
Post # 3
Unless it’s absolutely vital/expected, I would stop sharing your guest list with the family! We did ours up together and then told our parents in person who was invited. There was a bit of discussion involved, and that was it. The more you involve them, the more they will want a say. If you are planning and paying for it yourselves, there are some details they don’t need to know especially at this early point.
Post # 4
Yeah. Unfortunately, their money is involved (which one would think would minimize the guest, not maximize it, but it seems to be going the other way), so they have some input. I will try not to put the list in front of them again after this round, though. Wise advice.
Post # 5
The guest list is just a pile of politics tainted with family rivalry. The best way to plow through it is to set some rules and stay by them. For example: maybe each set of parents can pick 30 people they want to invite, plus you and your Fiance pick 30 people.
Another example (and what I did): our parents get to invite their siblings/parents/aunts/uncles, but not cousins. Only Out of Town guests are invited to bring their kids because it would be hard to find a baby sitter. And if our parents want to invite anyone who Fiance and I not related to or don’t know, then they get to pay for that added head count. We applied those rules across the board, and no one could complain that they were being shafted.
Post # 6
I hear you! I anticipated inviting NO MORE than 150 – w/ hopes that around 130 would should up…
Our guest list is currently @ 185…..and we can’t cut anymore…..
Post # 7
I swear it is giving me insomnia. I wanted a really small wedding, but there are just so many obligations. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or upset anyone. I was just so excited about the ring and the man and the day, but now, it is all a series of obligations I have to fulfill. Sigh. I have kept the list under 100. (I wanted under 50) So far, I have put my foot down. If I do not know the person, or if it is a family member of my fiance I haven’t met (over 6 yrs of dating), I refuse to add them.
Post # 8
Oh I hear you. My grandmother asked me last night if I had any extra save the dates and I asked for who. She said a second cousin of my moms (Whom I’ve met once mind you). Because she saw someone else’s save the date and wasn’t happy that she didn’t get one. My mother hasn’t even spoken to this women in YEARS! I was so annoyed. lol. Please have entitlement issues and it’s really starting to piss me off.
Post # 9
My mother’s boss invited herself to my wedding and shower. I have never met the woman! I couldn’t pick her out from a line-up.
Post # 10
Our wedding is a couple months further away than yours and yes, we’ve experienced guest list frustrations already. But like you, we’re hoping things can settle over the next 7-8 months. I think the guest list is always a source of anxiety!