(Closed) Guest list Boss invitation

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks

Do you hang out with her socially outside of work?  Did you keep in touch with her during the time you weren’t working there?  Unless the answer to both of those is "yes" I would definitely not invite her. 

Even though I socialize with a number of my coworkers outside of work, I just made a blanket rule of no work people because that way no one was offended that they made or didn’t make the cut.

Especially since she already told you you don’t have to invite her, I wouldn’t unless you really consider her a friend.  Then if it ever comes up, just say something like "sorry, we decided that we weren’t going to invite any coworkers to save the space for our family and close friends" (this only works if you’re not inviting other coworkers obviously!!)

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with bluebell. Although some people take a different approach, for Fiance and I, our wedding is a social function not a work function.  We therefore invited very few people from work – our criteria being that we had to have done purely social things with them at least 3 or 4 times in the past year.  It’s a pretty non-controversial criteria even if you end up having to explain it – those co-workers whom you have repeatedly invited to dinner or to play golf or to a hockey game when you had spare tickets and who always turn you down clearly know who you are.

I also like to point out that at many companies (mine included) there are clear policies about socializing with direct employees.  My good girlfriend who is a director in another division can come to my wedding; if she was my immediate boss and did my performance appraisals, the company very much frowns on anything that could give the appearance of preferential treatment – for instance, I invite my boss to my wedding or to Thanksgiving dinner at my house, and I get a raise soon after, or maybe I get additional time off approved for my honeymoon when I don’t really have the vacation…  So it’s a good idea to know what the policies are before you get too chummy with the boss, as you could actually be putting them in a sticky situation.

Post # 5
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I’d say don’t invite.  Just out of principle… The only exception for me is my childhood friend who I just happen to work with.  But she’s in another department.

I go to work just to work, not make friends… even if I socialized with my co-workers, I don’t need them to know all my business.  They just recently found out I was engaged… after 4 months.  I’m just a really private person at work. 

Post # 6
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Apply the rules you used for your other guests.  Would she make the cut or are you inviting her just because she’s your boss?  If you’re assigning seats or tables at the reception, do you have people she could sit with or would they be odd guests out?

We’re having a very small wedding – only family and friends we consider family, so we skipped out on the co-worker/boss question.  

Good luck! 

Post # 8
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I did. I don’t hang out with my manager outside of work, but politically, I thought it was important for her and my other coworker to get an invite.

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

By the time my wedding comes around (Dec. 2008), I’ll have been at my job for 1.5 years. I’m going to invite my boss and his wife, but no other co-workers (as of now …). My boss knew my fiance before we got married, and their work relationship is in part how I got my job in the first place. But I like him and it’s a career move for me as well. I’d say go ahead as long as you have room on the guest list. It can definitely be a good career move, depending on your field and office culture.

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

 

I’d send an invite. If your boss wants to come, she will. If she doesn’t want to come, that’s okay too. But it’s better to send it rather than hurt her feelings.

Post # 11
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Both my fh and I invited our bosses. I think it is proper.

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