(Closed) Guest list complaints, worries, and confusion!!! ugh

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How do I handle these extra people for guest list?

    Send Invite only and hope they only send gift

    Ignore the extra people altogether and send nothing

    See if you have room in your budget to add maybe 10 more people

    Stand up to mom and remind her it's not her wedding

  • Post # 3
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Save the dates are basically just a heads up that you have a wedding on X date in Y city and don’t require any RSVP action by the guest.  They are usually just for Out of Town guests and VIPs but you do not have to send one to everyone.  In fact, you do not have to send out any STDs if you so choose.  However, anyone that receives an STD MUST receive an invitation.

    Invitations are required and should go out to everyone you invite.

    If you do not have room in your budget for these extra people and you are paying, then I would be firm with your mom and tell her you don’t have room for them.  Plan for 100% acceptance.  What might be nice is to give your mom a set number of spots that she can fill with anyone she wants and leave it at that.  Be sure to communicate with your mother!  You don’t want her thinking you are inviting people if you are not.  She may tell them verbally they are invited and things will get complicated and awkward.

    Post # 4
    2684 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @RunsWithBears:  +1  

    Even if it doesn’t happen, plans should be made with the assumption that every single guest will accept the invitation.  I like the idea of providing a set amount of spots for mom to use, but the key is to be firm on total capacity if you cannot afford anything more.  

    Post # 5
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Can you get your mom to pay for any of “her” people if they do come? (and if yo uthink there is ANY chance she will back-out, then make her pay a “deposit” or something for you to send the invites.)

    Post # 6
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would tell my mom that if her plan of “invite for gift only” backfires that she is responsible for the cost of food, tables, chairs, linens, centerpieces, etc, that each postive RSVP incurs, give her a per head estimate and ask her if she is comfortable with paying up to that amount of money to send these people invitations.

    Post # 9
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I agree – if your mom wants them invited, she should be responsible for paying for them

    Post # 11
    8 posts
    • Wedding: November 2002

    As an event planner, I must agree with Runs with bears and some of the other bees. You don’t have to invite them nor send them cards. if you don’t have the budget for it then you don’t have the budget.  

    The topic ‘Guest list complaints, worries, and confusion!!! ugh’ is closed to new replies.

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