(Closed) Guest list count anxiety — help!

posted 4 years ago in Reception
Post # 31
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

northshorebride:  Well what if someone from your group A says to a group B person “oh hey did you get invited to so and so’s wedding?”  Group B person is all “no I didn’t.”  Then a month later an invite shows up.  Hmmm, interesting.  You don’t think they will be wondering why they were getting invited now as opposed to when the Group A person did?

And no, just because you are getting married on a holiday weekend does not mean you send invites out earlier.  That is the purpose of the STD.  The STD lets people know the date of your wedding (and that it will be taking place on a holiday weekend) so that they can plan apporpriately.  Then you send out invites at the normal time (6-8 weeks prior to your wedding date).

Finally, even if people do not find out that you A or B listed, do you really want to group your family and friends like that?  The people who you apparently love and want at your wedding?  Why not just plan appropriately from the beginning so that you can invite everyone that you want at one time, without having to tier your guest list?

Post # 32
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

northshorebride:  Technically, all but two guest were out of state, but it’s a small state. One lived in the suburbs of that city and one in a town about 20 minutes away. An aunt and uncle also lived in the state, a 1-hour round trip away, but didn’t attend. 

We live 45 minutes north (with fast/highway driving) of the venue and in another state. Guests booked 52 rooms, through the discounted block, at the hotel/venue. At least 10 rooms were booked elsewhere, since the hotel had to be booked a month before, or people had free nights/points, at various chains.  

4 guests had to fly-in; 2 a 2 hour flight and one couple from the west to east coast. Another couple drove a full day, to get there. Everyone else could have driven there and back, in one day, but the reception ended at 11:30 PM.

My other daughter invited a fomer co-worker, to her wedding. She gave it a 0% chance she would come. She hadn’t seen her since she moved to Florida, a few years ago. She and her husband found childcare down there, and drove 2 days up and 2 days back, to attend the wedding. My nephew married on the west coast. He had friends fly-in from the middle east, to attend. They paid for flights for a family of four (childcare was provided at the weding). The friend wasn’t even in the bridal party. You just never know …

Post # 33
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

I made 2 lists: A list and B list.  I sent mine out a little early and sent out all the A-listers first.  these were ppl that I definitely wanted to be there.  If any Declines came back I would immediately go to my B list and send one out.  I B list sent with each Decline from the A list.  It ended up working out really well!  A little bit more work but for me it was worth it

Post # 34
Hostess
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Most of our guests lived pretty far from our venue – my family is 2 hours away, his is a time zone away, and we both have close friends scattered across the country. 

We were aiming to have 100 guests at our wedding.  When we made the guest list in excel, we had a column for how likely we thought those guests were to RSVP “yes.”  We kept the tally of that column to around 100. We invited about 145 people and we had 99 at our wedding – with 101 yes RSVP.  (One friend had a day of emergency so she and her husband were unable to come)

Post # 35
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

ucsadie:  This is a serious question because this is something that I just can’t wrap my head around:  Can I ask why you didn’t just plan your wedding so that you could just invite everyone at one time?  Why the need to group people who you love into two categories…1) those that we actually want and 2) those that we only want if those that we really want can’t make it.

Post # 36
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Cut people you and your Fiance don’t know or put them on the B list. Otherwise you are running a huge risk 

Post # 37
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

freckles071611:  it wasn’t categorized necessarily in that way…. It was categorized as ppl that we really need to be there (we have big families) so families fell into that option. CLOSE friends and family friends also fell first.  Then branching out from there people i would like to invite such as my co workers and and other friends that i would like to attend but if we dont have room for they would understand. it wasn’t a matter of we love one more than the other its bascially like Ok aunts and uncles that we are close to should be invited first and then if they cant come then we have room to invite our friends from work!

Post # 38
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

ucsadie:  But I guess I still see it in the way I do.  You had your A list which was made up of the people that you just had to invite.  And then you had your B list which was made up of people that you would have liked to invite but were okay not inviting at the same time.

So again, why didn’t you just plan a wedding where you were able to invite EVERYONE at one time, instead of just inviting your B list whenever you got a decline?  Seems like it would have been a lot easier all around.

Post # 39
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

freckles071611:  because we only could invite so many people. we aren’t made of money… I see it as I could either just not invite them at all or if i had a spot open where my family couldn’t make it i could invite someone else in their place.

Post # 40
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

ucsadie:  I understand that you aren’t made of money.  No one is (unless you won the powerball, which sadly I did not).  Everyone works with a budget, and because of that hard decisions need to be made.  People understand that you can’t invite everyone under the sun.  I just will never understand inviting people only because I got declines.  I mean if I really wanted those people there in the first place then I would have planned differently.  I guess I just find it really rude to group your friends and family into A and B lists just because you (general you) can’t suck it up and make a hard and fast decision to your guest list.  You really aren’t doing these people any favors by inviting them just because you got some declines.  They would understand that you couldn’t invite them.  But I don’t see many people being okay if they found out that they were only invited because your Aunt Sue and Uncle Ben declined.

Post # 41
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

FI and I are in a similar situation.  Not so much with people that we don’t know, but I have lots of aunts and uncles with lots of children who have lots of children. One of my cousins has 5 kids!  I’m not especially close with any of them anymore so I d don’t feel especially pressed to invite them. I thought about inviting them and saying no kids, but if they actually showed up they would see other kids there. I definitely don’t want to deal with that. What we decided to do instead is have a small reception over the holidays for family and close family friends that didn’t make the cut. I wanted them to at least have an opportunity to meet him, but not at the expense of my budget, and certainly not at the expense of having our day be (more or less) what we want. 

Maybe you could try something like that for his family. You could also send some sort of announcement without inviting them. No information on the big day. Just a nice picture of the two of you introducing you to his extended “family” and him to yours. You’re still spending the same for postage, but at least you keep your head count in tact.

Post # 42
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Don’t go by that decline ratio. Ugh. That’s what my Fiance and I have been counting on and it has not been going as planned. We are way over budget now. 

Please- spare yourself the headache and financial burden- don’t invite anyone you don’t absolutely need there! 

As you near the wedding you can always invite people if you find you’re getting more declines than RSVP’s. You can always invite someone later on if you have the room….you unfortunately can’t uninvite them. 

The topic ‘Guest list count anxiety — help!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors