(Closed) Guest List Dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do we let them invite their family...
    Yes, it's best to follow etiquette : (1 votes)
    4 %
    No, it's your day, invite who you want : (23 votes)
    92 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    598 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I say invite who you want to invite.  If your goal is to keep the guest list small, there is nothing wrong with that. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    724 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @soinlove22:Honestly, I wouldn’t invite people to my wedding that I didn’t know or don’t associate with. If you are going for the more intimate and personal feel then I think you should only invite those that are closest to you and those that you want to share your special day with. Just my opinion, but I don’t see the need to invite all of those extended family members that don’t really mean anything to you. Does your Fiance feel the need to invite all of them? If it’s going to make him upset by not inviting them then you should consider it but if you are both in agreement then I don’t see anything wrong with not inviting them! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m a firm believer that you should only invite people you know and interact with!  I think especially since this is his stepmom’s family, there shouldn’t any obligation to invite them.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    There is no etiquette rule that says you have to invite entire families.  Invite who you want to invite. The only rule for who must be invited, is that if you invite one half of a social unit you must invite the other. 

    It could be ill received to invite people with whom you have no relationship.  It can appear gift grabby.  Even though I am sure that is not your intention, since they don’t know you, they may think it is the only reason for the invite.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I voted “it’s your day” assumeing “you” means you and your Fiance.  I would ask him.  If he’s going to be hurt by being underrepresented, then you’ll have to invite them.  If he’s fine with these people not being extended an invitation and is fine to deal with any drama that unfolds if they’re not happy they’re not invited, then I don’t see any reason you need to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @soinlove22: If those people actually matter to him, then I’d say invite them. But, if it’s just for his stepmom, then I’d say no since they’re not close.

    Post # 10
    Member
    378 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @soinlove22: OMG It seems like we are living identical lives! The same exact thing happened to me….my Future Mother-In-Law sent me a list of about 30 people she wanted to come to the wedding 2 weeks after we signed a contract for 80 people for my venue (and had a solid guest list to back that up). My FH had said he spoke to her a couple times and had only a few people that she wanted to come to the wedding. The list she sent me were mostly people my FH had never heard of or met (She is remarried and a lot of the req. guest list were my FH’s stepfather’s family).

    We had told her to pick 10 people from her list to be on the A list, the rest would be the top priority from the B list, and we would send invites out super early (mid-February) so that we would start crossing off A listers who declined early. It was the best we could do at that point – it took me almost 4 months to find my perfect venue so i wasn’t going to budge. But it caused a big blowup….so your FH’s family probably won’t be happy no matter what with the compromise but I found that when HE talks to his mother about it (not me), it goes over a lot easier and any hurt or anger that she feels dissapates a lot quicker than if I was the one saying it.

    Good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    378 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @msfarenheit: Totally agree – that’s the best strategy to go. My strategy worked only because HE didn’t know pretty much anyone on FMIL’s req. guest list, and those he did are being invited.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @soinlove22: My Fiance is going through the same problem with “under-representation”. Right now I have about 20 family members on my guest list, 8 of my parents friends (they are paying) and he has his mother, two of his mothers friends, 2 of his close friends, and his brothers and SIL. He doesn’t talk to his father or stepmother, so they aren’t even a question. His father’s family doesn’t associate with us and his mother’s family lives on the other side of the country and he hasn’t seen them since he was 3 or 4.

    I guess sometimes one side of the aisle is traditionally fuller than the other? My Fiance is also really upset because he wishes he had a family that was a lot closer, as mine is, but I don’t think there is much that can be done. I encouraged him to invite who he wanted, but he wanted the same as me… just close friends and family.

    Post # 13
    Member
    378 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m starting to believe that this is a common problem because the older generation is used to weddings with a large # of guests and the newer trend is for smaller receptions. I keep seeing this over and over and this seems to be the root of the problem…. I wonder if most people would say this is the case?

    The topic ‘Guest List Dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

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