Etiquette Snob here… lol
Save The Dates and the hassles that they bring about are a relatively NEW thing in Wedding Stationery (some would say it only lines the pockets of the Stationery companies even more than before)
Save-The-Date Cards are NOT a requirement. They are nice. But NOT A MUST DO.
The true time they are nice is if one is planning a Destination Wedding, or somewhere out of the norm (ie not your hometown where you Parent’s live, or where you are now)
Otherwise… quite honestly you can skip them (and much of the drama) altogether.
Just send out the Actual Invites in the appropriate timeframe leading up to your Wedding.
The ONE very important thing with Save-The-Date Cards, is you absolutely MUST have worked out all the Wedding Details BEFORE you send them out.
Have a FINAL GUEST LIST… KNOW precisely who is going to get an Invitation… and the only way to know that is to be aware of your Budget, and have your Venue booked so you know the capacity & costs.
Otherwise… just send Save-The-Date Cards to the immediate family members that you know for sure are going to be on the FINAL GUEST LIST
But then, as I said above… IF this isn’t a Destination Wedding… your Family won’t be that surprised by the News anyhow… they’ll get it thru the Grapevine pretty much anyhow.
So maybe save all the money you plan to spend on Save-The-Date Cards… or you could also do an Electronic Version if everyone is on Email
Which brings up another topic…
Want to avoid a lot of Drama / Trauma… don’t talk a whole lot about your Wedding (otherwise someone inevitably will ask for more details RUDE on their part… but WBee posts that doesn’t stop people from doing it, and it will suck to be put in that position “Oh sorry, we are having a small intimate Wedding”… hard to say with a straight face if you are infact having aprox 200 Guests).
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY… Don’t put any mention of your Wedding on FaceBook. As that seems to be a sure fire recipe to causing upheaval !!
As for a Shower…
There are 2 kinds of Showers…
Those that are typically organized by Friends & Family… where folks who attend are indeed close enough to the Bride to be on the Guest List for sure.
And those that are organized by Larger “Social Groups” that the Bride may be involved with (or was). These are given by folks who LOVE the Bride for who she is, with no real expectation of being Invited to the BIG DAY.
Such is the case for say the Baseball Team she plays on weekly… or the Group she Volunteers with… the Kids in her Brownie Pack. OR even given by the local Chruch Ladies, the Neighbours where she grew up… or in this case the Sorority you belong to.
BUT sadly, many young people don’t necessarily KNOW A LOT ABOUT ETIQUETTE… so sometimes they assume things that are not true… so may get their noses bent out of shape over PRESUMED misteps.
It would be perfectly fine for your Fellow Sorority Sisters to throw a Bridal Shower in your Honour *… knowing that they won’t all be invited to the Wedding. BUT chances are that someone will misread this to mean you are being Gift Grabby, or RUDE in that they aren’t all invited to the Wedding.
So the question will come down to which is the greater offense to social sensibilities. Will it be that some don’t “understand”… or that you will be seen to be UNGRATEFUL or SNUBBING them by not inviting them in turn to the Wedding ???
Personally, I’d skip the whole drama. It is sad, that friends cannot share in anothers good fortune in life… but so it goes.
All stuff to think about in the months to come… and the weeks leading up to the Wedding when Showers are usually held.
*NOTE – As the Bride you can most certainly consulted on the Guest List for a Shower… who you’d like to see there. BUT in reality, the Hostess is the one to take the reins on a Bridal Shower… for it truly is HER EVENT that is held in your honour. As the Honoured Guest, you can express your opinion (cautiously / don’t step on her toes) but in the end it is the Hostess who makes all the calls. So you can always feign ignorance if the situation warrants (altho then you really are putting your friend the Hostess in an odd position).
Sorority Sisters tend to be a tough crowd to play to in regards to what to do… without looking like you are playing favourites, or snubbing others.
Hope this helps,
EDIT TO ADD – Interestingly it looks like aspasia475 and I were posting at the same time… good to see we are both pretty much on the same page on this one. Sorority “colleagues” do indeed have a lot in common with work colleagues… just that “the work” at hand is slightly different.