Post # 1
Alright bees. I just need to vent/hear opinions and suggestions. Our venue holds 130 comfortably. It can hold max 160ish. With the caterer we booked (we only had four options–there were four contracted caterers for our venue), the catering bill for 130 people comes out to be half of the budget. With the dress, photographer, DJ, photobooth, venue rental, rental chairs for outside ceremony, invitations, etc etc etc, our budget is bursting. So in addition to 130 being the comfortable max, it’s also our budget max.
Enter my future step-mother-in-law. Originally, I said that his dad could have 30, his mom could have 30, my parents could have 30, and we would get 40. Well, I quickly realized that his side got 60 while my parents got 30. Oops. So I told each of his parents that they were unfortunately reduced to 25 guests each. My step-mother-in-law (let’s call her K) wasn’t happy. She had already told people they were invited. I eventually said that she could have 25-6, because if it meant a SO couldn’t come, that they could be the extra in the 26. So after much discussion (she wanted “clarification” about four times–even though I clearly explained just that, each time), she sends me a guest list with 28 people. In addition, she didn’t include herself or her SO (FI’s dad), FI’s uncle or FI’s brother. So really her list is 32 people. And she ended the email saying “I have a couple more that I would like to include [if there’s space available].”
I just don’t know what else to do. They didn’t offer to pay one single thing during the whole 12 months that I’ve been planning this (and I am just too bashful to ask– I know, shame on me). Now that there’s this predicament with the guest list, they’ve finally offered to chip in a little so that they can invite more guests. While that would help tremendously, I still feel so trampled over. They are really wealthy (and my parents are okay-off), so the fact that they didn’t offer anything and are only offering because they want more guests just bugs me.
Anybody else? I’m trying to be rational (and not turn into bridezilla) but man it’s tough :-\
Post # 2
ugh sucks. We are inviting only immediate family, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and first cousins, and our personal friends for this reason.
Our venue holds 175, but our budget accommodates only 140, and we’re hoping for 100, so I feel your pain.
Post # 3
So frustrating! Why do people feel entitled to invite EVERYONE! A wedding should have people that intend to love and support the couple throughout their marriage. Does random Larry from the mothers office really care? I understand maintaining business contacts, we are doing the same but within reason, and they happen to be supportive friends. Maybe this is why I’m not popular and only have 80 people coming. I asked both sides ( my father and his mother are boy contributing 25%) and they asked for 4 people total.
do you have a priority list? A- immediate family, wedding party. B- non immediate family, close friends, ect… That could help clarify who really needs to be invited. Who is she inviting? Figuring out who and why might help with explaining to her who and why you are inviting so you can be on the same page.
Post # 4
She I asked my fi’s parents for their list, it included about 20 people. Which was ALL family. When I asked my parents if there was anyone I didn’t already have on my list, they suggested like 7 more people. Pretty much only family, long time family friends, and then friends of my fiance’s and I are invited. Neither set of parents invited their coworkers, friends, etc. She has no right to invite anyone who’s not CLOSE family. I-d tell her she needs to cut any friends that haven’t watched your fi grow up, coworkers, distant family members of hers, etc. Kind of annoying that she’s willing to pitch in now so that all her friends can come
Post # 5
A few things to keep in mind (I often remind myself this too), not every single person you invite will actually come so those final numbers will not be 130 if you invite 130.
What do YOU want? If you would prefer not to invite more, kindly let her know that. I’m having the same struggle, both my own mother and FI’s mother call (AFTER Save the Dates are sent and we’ve well finalized the guest list MONTHS prior) to ask if we can “just add these few more people who would be really hurt if we don’t invite them”…
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2016 - Winery
I have nothing worthwhile to add except that I feel your pain! My FMIL’s list was 100 people long (which was what we wanted our total to be.) It’s hard because you don’t want to upset people but man, do people get entitled when it comes to wedding invites! People inviting themselves, people inviting other people, etc. UGH.
I would just let her know (politely) that you can’t accommodate everyone on the list for both occupancy and monetary reasons. If the monetary reason doesn’t fly with her, use the occupancy one. I hope everything works out!