(Closed) Guest list dilemma

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Barne601: ugh sucks. We are inviting only immediate family, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and first cousins, and our personal friends for this reason. 

Our venue holds 175, but our budget accommodates only 140, and we’re hoping for 100, so I feel your pain. 

Post # 3
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

So frustrating! Why do people feel entitled to invite EVERYONE! A wedding should have people that intend to love and support the couple throughout their marriage. Does random Larry from the mothers office really care? I understand maintaining business contacts, we are doing the same but within reason, and they happen to be supportive friends. Maybe this is why I’m not popular and only have 80 people coming. I asked both sides ( my father and his mother are boy contributing 25%) and they asked for 4 people total. 

 

do you have a priority list? A- immediate family, wedding party. B- non immediate family, close friends, ect… That could help clarify who really needs to be invited. Who is she inviting? Figuring out who and why might help with explaining to her who and why you are inviting so you can be on the same page. 

Post # 4
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

She I asked my fi’s parents for their list, it included about 20 people. Which was ALL family. When I asked my parents if there was anyone I didn’t already have on my list, they suggested like 7 more people. Pretty much only family, long time family friends, and then friends of my fiance’s and I are invited. Neither set of parents invited their coworkers, friends, etc. She has no right to invite anyone who’s not CLOSE family. I-d tell her she needs to cut any friends that haven’t watched your fi grow up, coworkers, distant family members of hers, etc. Kind of annoying that she’s willing to pitch in now so that all her friends can come

Post # 5
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

MissKitty123:  A few things to keep in mind (I often remind myself this too), not every single person you invite will actually come so those final numbers will not be 130 if you invite 130.

What do YOU want? If you would prefer not to invite more, kindly let her know that. I’m having the same struggle, both my own mother and FI’s mother call (AFTER Save the Dates are sent and we’ve well finalized the guest list MONTHS prior) to ask if we can “just add these few more people who would be really hurt if we don’t invite them”…

Post # 6
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

MissKitty123:  I have nothing worthwhile to add except that I feel your pain! My FMIL’s list was 100 people long (which was what we wanted our total to be.) It’s hard because you don’t want to upset people but man, do people get entitled when it comes to wedding invites! People inviting themselves, people inviting other people, etc. UGH. 

 

I would just let her know (politely) that you can’t accommodate everyone on the list for both occupancy and monetary reasons. If the monetary reason doesn’t fly with her, use the occupancy one. I hope everything works out!

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