Post # 1
I’ve got a dilemma on my hands and could use a few opinions on the matter. I’ve been back and forth 1,000 times on whether or not to invite my paternal grandma, aunt, uncle and kids.
Here’s a bit of background: Basically, my immediate family has never been close to this side of the family. Growing up, visits were the annual holiday get togethers and random visits in between, but definitely not a “sleepover, baking cookies” kind of relationship. A few years ago, my dad had a major falling out with the whole lot of them and no one communicated with anyone until the last fews years. Unfortunately, this ‘break,’ coupled with our lack of relationship to begin with has widened the gap to a gulf between me and this side of my family.
So, now when it comes to inviting them to my wedding…I simply don’t want to. Initially, my dad felt that not inviting them could potentionally undo the “new found peace” and me wanting to make him happy, started leaning towards inviting them. I was honest with him about my feelings and he has now taken the stance that he doesn’t want to force me to do anything that isn’t in my heart to do.
On the one hand, I recognize that this day isn’t just about me and that sacrifices have to be made, but on the other hand, I feel like I’m being fake by extending an invitation their way simply because they’re ‘family.’ I don’t hate/dislike any of them, I just don’t feel connected enough to want them there. I don’t know what to do, but need to decide soon.
What are all your thoughts? I’d appreciate any advice you can give.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves
@dee_gee: I guess no one can tell you what to do. I’ve been in both sides, a cousin got married last year and she didn’t invite us cousins, just our parents (her aunts and uncles). We’re a close family but her parents were never close and they’ve actually looked down on us since I can remember. The thing here is that she invited some of the family and that created more conflict than if she had overlooked the whole family.
Now, that I’m getting married I really don’t care for them, I don’t like them but how can I invite 90% of the family and overlook them? I feel like I’m being the bigger person here, but being honest I really think they won’t show up at all.
It really depends on your current relationship with this people and the relationship you want in the future.
Post # 4
@dee_gee: Hmm that’s a hard one. The best decision would just be whatever makes you and your fiance happy on the day of! It’s hard to please everyone. In the case that they do feel slighted that you didn’t invite them, you could always say that it was a small, intimate wedding with only close relatives and friends.
On a side note, one of my cousins (which I’m not that close to) didn’t invite me to his wedding, and actually, I was relieved. I love weddings in general, but it’s only fun when it’s for someone that you truly care about. Otherwise, it’s sometimes an obligation. One that you have to give a gift for!
Post # 5
I didn’t invite 20 cousins that always come to our baby showers and always invite me to their stuff, but I just had to draw a line at 203 ppl,youcan always chop it up tonumbers. Me and my Fiance had a rule, we wanted ppl who not only were in our lives right now but who reach out to us and make an effort to be IN our lives. Sounds like if you went by that rulewhey wouldn’t make the cut…good luck in your decision, I can’t advise you but I can say the right choiceWeill feel right
Post # 6
Thanks to all you of you for your opinions! I know ultimately, the decision lies in my hands, but it’s nice to know that people get where I’m coming from and that I’m not a horrible person if I decide not to invite them.