(Closed) Guest List Dilemma – to invite one cousin or to invite none?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite the wonderful the cousin?

    Yes - She is important to you and it's your day, that's what matters!

    No - The family drama is not worth one guest witnessing your special day.

  • Post # 2
    2097 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I had a simlar situation. My mom has a lot of first cousins on her father’s side, but I only know one of them well. The others I don’t even know which one is which I’ve only met some of them once or twice. So for me, it made sense to invite the one I am close to (have stayed at her house, we email sometimes, etc) but none of the others. One I sort of know a little better than the others, but didn’t want to invite him without his siblings, etc. My mother agreed, we knew I had to invite close cousin and she didn’t see anything wrong with not inviting the others as long as I didn’t invite one sibling without the others etc. 

    It didn’t create any family drama. My mom’s aunt came and was a perfect guest even her kids weren’t invited. But some people will just create drama at any excuse they can get, so I can’t gauruntee your family won’t create any. What I can gauruntee is that if they do create the drama, it’s their fault, not yours. 

    Post # 3
    13647 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Are you willing to live with the fallout from that  s… storm? Only you can answer that question. In general, the etiquette advice is to make cut offs according to categories in order to avoid hurt feelings. But your call, your guest list. If you were to ask me, unless there were extenuating circumstances,  I’d go with  all or none. Having an extended family that will never forgive you is not a particularly pleasant thought. On the other hand, the close cousin would understand if it were an all or nothing type of thing. 

    Post # 4
    1639 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    Is it possible you could give her a “role”!in the ceremony? A reading? A toast? That way you could say you had to severely restrict your guest list to x, y, z and the people directly involved in the wedding?

    i know you’ll get conflicting opinions on etiquette and inviting all or none, but to me there is a difference between inviting large groups of relatives because you should and including this one person with whom you are close.

    good luck!

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