(Closed) Guest List dilemma/question

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3240 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

How many people did you invite total? I now they say that something lIke 20% of invited guests won’t show up, for my brother’s wedding it was more like 5%. 


I say say let them cut someone if they want to have mr and mrs A, but then they have to explain to their original guests, who got the STD, that it was their choice.

Post # 3
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know, it sounds like you and your Fiance have seen the A’s pretty often – getting furniture from their mother’s house? I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your in laws to think they should be invited.

Maybe you could promise your in laws that upon receiving the first “no” RSVP from a couple, you will send an invite to the As? That way no changes have to be made now, but since surely at least ONE couple will RSVP no, you can just replace them with the As.

Post # 4
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would invite them- it’s not like these are super distant relatives you have never met- and if Future In-Laws will pay for their plate, I would take them up on it. Easter may be really awkward if you don’t invite them. If you haven’t sent Save-The-Date Cards or invites to the other extra people Future In-Laws added, then have them pick two people to switch them out.

ETA: I like PP’s solution

Post # 5
354 posts
Helper bee

mmr66:  despite over inviting people, at this point, you should have a pretty good idea who will say yes and no. Use that number to gauge if you can accommodate them. 

Ignore the fact Father-In-Law is pressuring you ( I would normally put my foot down if it’s someone I don’t know or talk to) but considering they gave you their mother’s stuff, that means you guys might be closer than you think and definitely don’t want to ruin this relationship. 

Post # 7
4040 posts
Honey bee

No. Don’t invite them until you get enough nos that you are below your venue limit.

For my 1st daughter’s wedding, we only had a 10% refusal, and it was on a holiday weekend. The dance floor was packed, and not in a good way. For my 2nd daughter, we invited 10% over the venue limit and we are sweating about it. My mother wanted me to invite her next door neighbors, to #2s wedding, which has a capacity of 112 people. Not happening …

Post # 8
4947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

mmr66:   Please consider only sending invitations to as many people as the venue can hold.  When the “regrets” come in, then send out the rest of the invitations.  Inviting more people than the venue can hold may put you in the awful position of having to un-invite guests.  It has happened.

As far as the A’s I was in favor of inviting them right up until your Future Mother-In-Law said “can’t wait to have them.”  I abhor passive aggressiveness.  


Post # 10
4947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

mmr66:   Oh, OK, then you’re good!!   

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