Guest List Drama

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My Future Mother-In-Law almost did the same thing to us, but once we explained that our venue was too small and we were severely uncomfortable to have so many people we weren’t close with at such an intimate and important day, she calmed down and only picked a handful of people to invite.

Post # 3
Member
779 posts
Busy bee

Your Fiance needs to very clearly tell her that you are not inviting the 35 additional people as you already asked for her guest list and can’t add that many more people now and will not be inviting ANY more people 

Post # 5
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee

msmeow13 :  can you help him draft an email to her? “Thanks for sending your list! Can you please narrow it down to 10 people? We don’t have room for your 35 guests.” 

Post # 6
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

msmeow13 :  No offense but your Fiance needs to grow a pair and tell his mother to cut her number of invitees.  If she’s inviting all these extra people without clearing it with you both first, then that’s on her.  It was never her place to invite people….that’s what invites are for.  So if this is so diffcult for your Fiance to do you should be concerned because this could be a growing problem of Mother-In-Law pushing boundaries and your Fiance not being willing to establish them.

 

Post # 7
Member
8783 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

msmeow13 :  Your husband should be the one to deal with his mom. I would suggest that he frame it as “The good news is we can add 10 of these people. It doesn’t have to be 10, if 6 makes more sense or whatever, that’s fine too. And if narrowing it down would be awkward, we can make it easy and not add any of them, that’s up to you. If you do want to invite some, will you please send me up to 10 names by Tuesday evening, or do you already know who it should be?”

ETA: And if she’s already verbally invited them, that’s her problem not yours. If she says anything to you, I’d just say “oh, that’s unfortunate.” Period. Not your problem.

Post # 8
Member
47177 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

what she said.^^^^

Post # 10
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

I hope, for the sake of your life together, that he learns to stand up to his mother.

Post # 11
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Yeah, Fiance needs to handle this and Future Mother-In-Law needs to not offer verbal invites to people. It’s your wedding, not hers. Plain and simple.

Post # 12
Member
6303 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

msmeow13 :  you need to decide how many she can invite, and your Fiance needs to communicate this to her. It is mother, and so his problem. If it comes from you I can guarantee that you will be made to look like the ‘bad guy’ and that she will create drama. 

Also agree with PP that you should give her a deadline of when you need the names, and stick to it. If you don’t have them by then, they don’t get invited. Simple.

As for those she has already ‘invited’: as PP said, that isn’t your problem, so don’t concern yourself with it.

FWIW, my bet is your Future Mother-In-Law knows exactly what she’s doing here, and was hoping to guilt you into giving her more invitations. I have a hard time buying that a grown woman doesn’t understand the logistics or expense of organising a formal wedding and genuinely thinks it’s OK to invite 35 people without consulting with the bride and groom, or those paying for it.

Post # 13
Member
6101 posts
Bee Keeper

Bee, he needs to say something ASAP! DO NOT get in the middle, it will definitely look like you are being the bridezilla, pushing her sweet little baby to uninvite her precious family. He definitely needs to be the one to say it, and I’d suggest something like: “Whoa Mom, we talked about adding 10 people. We cannot accomodate this many, please let me know which 10 you’d like me to invite and we will do that.” and then keep shutting it down “But johnny, this is my 3rd cousin who I havent seen since I was 10!!! You must invite them!” “Mom, I already told you that we cannot accomodate more than 10. We need your final list by X date.” 

Post # 14
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You tell her you simply cannot afford to invite an extra 35 people to the wedding. She absolutely has to pay to have a say in the guestlist. If you’re willing to allow her to invite extra guests, then tell her exactly how many she can invite (e.g., 4 or 6 total).

I agree with previous posters that your Fiance should be the one dealing with his own mother. 

Post # 15
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I understand that your Fiance should deal with his mom-I agree. In my situation though, my DH’s stepmom knew I was the one drafting the list and I specifically asked her for family to ivite & addresses. She gave me all these extra “friends” of the family (more like her friends), some of who my Darling Husband had never met and the others he hadn’t seen in years. I didn’t invite them. She knew we had a strict budget and a small guest list. I do think that your Future Mother-In-Law should pay for these extra guests if she wants them. You could tell her that or just say there’s not room in the budget. Or get your Fiance to tell her.

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