(Closed) guest list drama: excluding the troubled relative

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You do what you want. I did not invite my brother who sounds exactly the same way as your StepBro.  If people take issue with it, it’s their issue.  On that day you won’t notice any of your concerns anyways. Just keep your mother away from you (I know that sounds harsh, but you just need to protect yourself from her drama on that day) My Darling Husband also did not want my brother there, and that was enough reason for me.

Post # 4
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my goodness.  Some people just need to create drama!  Your mother and her husband going into counseling over your guest list shouldn’t be on your shoulders.

Carry on…

Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Stand strong and invite (or don’t invite) whomever you please.  The wedding is about you and your future husband’s marriage and you are well in your right to dictate who can and cannot attend.  And it’s foul that your mom and stepdad are trying to guilt you into something you are not comfortable doing with many good and documented reasons.

Stay strong and do YOU! Wink

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How many guests are you having? Because if its around 100 people, you probably wouldnt even have time to see him or talk to him. Personally I would just invite him and seat him in the back some place to just kill all the drama

Post # 8
Member
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Perhaps you can invite him and have the groomsmen “on alert”??

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I vote for leaving him home.  If he’s bad enough for your Fiance to say “hell no”, then “hell no” it is!!!  

Stand strong and tall, and have your Fiance at your back. 

Your mom and step-dad’s marriage isn’t YOUR problem to deal with and if they’re going to counciling over a guest list, then they’ve got bigger problems to work out. 😉

good luck and sorry you gotta deal with this!!!

 

p.s. my mom ALMOST hinted that I should invite my cousins, but knew I’d shoot her down with enough fact and history that she’d have to shut up.  Also, my Fiance would’ve flatly refused

Post # 10
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Point A makes me nervous. I think it is fair to say “On ___ occassion when Ignatius was with my friends, he made aggressive sexual innuendos, therefore I would not want to risk making my friends uncomfortable again. Given that I rarely see Ignatius, I’m sure he will understand.”

Post # 11
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like the others said, invite who you want. If he makes agressive sexual comments or steals things you may end up with a legal issue at your wedding and is it really worth it to appease your step-father? Sorry but I don’t think it is. You shouldn’t have to worry about apologising for him, trying your best to avoid him if he gets nasty towards you or having to repay people for what he steals. This is a happy day and should not be tainted with thoughts of “What all am I going to have to pay for” “He said what” or “Please dont let anyone call the cops…”

Post # 12
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Maybe do a trial.  Have a get-together, and if and when stepbrother gets out of hand because his father failed to keep an eye on him, then I would say, There you go, he just demonstrated how he cannot behave, like every other time before, and Fiance and I will not tolerate this at all.  I would turn the table on them and express very strongly how his behavior is having a toll on YOU and Fiance.  Remind them that the wedding is about you two.  It would just be gosh darn awful for both you, your guests, and vendors, to have to deal with stepbrother on your wedding day.  Even if he’s kept out of sight, you don’t want stories of his antics coming back to you.

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Elle_Neotoma:  I think this is probably the best course of action.  This way, no one can claim that you didn’t give Ignatius a chance to prove that he can’t handle himself in these kinds of social situations.

Post # 14
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

@Elle_Neotoma: This is a really good idea.  And, the proof of what she’s worried about would be right in front of her mother and step-father.

 @ranchorelaxobride: I would have a get together like Elle Neotoma suggested and see how things go.  IF he seems to behave alright at that dinner/get together, then invite him to the wedding (out of the kindness of your heart, be the bigger person), but talk to your mother and step-father about everything you’re worried about and make it clear that if he is to be invited, they will have to be responsible for him all day/night and anything that he does. (Also, make sure that every groomsman, usher, and male friend of yours and Fiance has a picture of him and a warning.  If he acts up, he’s out on the spot.)

Post # 15
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can guarantee their marriage was having issues unrelated to you. What BS for her to pull that card! They have a troubled son – that’s on THEM, not on you.

Decide what the tradeoffs are and what it’s worth to you either way. Weddings are, in large part, about setting boundaries and establishing you and your Fiance as a new family. Sometimes feathers get ruffled along the way!

Post # 16
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Elle_Neotoma: Brilliant advice. I think thats a great idea. You can either A. show them what you are talking about and the reasons you don’t want him there or B. see if he really has changed and then you might not feel bad about inviting him.

The topic ‘guest list drama: excluding the troubled relative’ is closed to new replies.

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