Post # 1
The Save the Dates have been sent so there really isn’t anything I can do now but this still bothers me and I need to vent!
My parents are chipping in for the wedding but not the entire thing. They aren’t rich and are using the last of family inheritance (not a lot) for our wedding and my Fiance and I are paying for everything else. We’ve been keeping everything on a tight budget and we let our families know that. His parents, while they have way more money than my parents, are sticklers for the tradition of the bride’s parents paying. They have 6 sons and 1 daughter so I guess they feel they shouldn’t have to pay for that many weddings. However, all the other sons who have gotten married (4 of them) all married wives whose parents had money and gave them unlimited budgets. We told our parents our limit on our guest list and handed them copies of what we came up with. They looked them over and my parents asked that a few more of their friends be invited and suggested we didn’t NEED certain other people. HIS mom, however, came back with TWELVE additional guests! They are NOT people they hang out with or that we know AT ALL. One couple she works with and the rest were all of her OTHER SONS’ IN-LAWS. Yep, as in my FI’s brothers’ wives’ parents. We don’t know these people. But she invited them to all of the other weddings (the “sky’s the limit” budget weddings) and refused to take them off our list. “You can’t be the only one of my son’s weddings where they are not invited!”. I told my Fiance to REFUSE her requests and he did not. They received Save the Dates and I just can’t get over it. My parents had to CUT PEOPLE off their list to accomodate all these additional random people. And my parents are the ones kicking in money. Would this bother anyone else? I should have told her, if she wants these people there she needs to pay for them but I didn’t want to come across rude.
Post # 2
It would bother me. My DH and I paid for the majority of our wedding – with my parents paying for my dress and his parents paying for the church and each side paying for a few extra guests. The package we paid for from our venue stated a minimum of 100 guest (any extra guests over 100 we had to pay extra for them on top of what we were already paying). Right off the bat my family got 50 spots and so did his (this was to include family, friends and people each set of parents wanted to invite). Both sets of parents knew that if their guest list went over 50 they – not my DH and myself – had to pay for the extra people. They both did go over the number but not by much – we ended up with a 110 people showing up at the wedding. Could you maybe tell your inlaws that each side has x amount of spots and each side has to pay for the extra guests?
Post # 3
I would be FURIOUS with your Fiance for not sticking up for you. Wow. Are his parents planning on giving you a large gift or something? This would infuriate me.
Who actually sent them the STD? The thing to do would have been for you to get on the same page as you and just tell them no, sorry, these randoms cannot come.
However its too late so the best you can do is hope that they RSVP NO so you can invite the other guests you had to cut.
I would sit down and talk to your Fiance. Does he have issues cutting the cord to his parents? Unbelievable.
From this point forward work on setting some actual boundaries with your inlaws regarding the wedding, and get your Fiance on the same page as you!!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
ChrissyMary9515: It would bothrer me because i am kinda in the same boat. But my invitation already went out. My mom gave us money, His parent gave us money and we pitched in the rest so about 1/3 each. We got everyones guest list, and Save the Dates went out a long time ago and invitation went out 2 weeks ago as I have 75 days left….. Well my mom calls me yesterday and says she invited 5 more people (which means 10) and to send them an invitation because they have already verbally accepted……..i’m already over our max by 5 people right now waiting for the official declines so i cna be within our max guest limit. How do i tell my mom Sorry too late??
Post # 5
yes, it would bother me, and I would be furious with my OH for allowing it to happen. I would have put my foot down and said the list was final, and IF I was OK with there being strangers there, I might suggest that if they foot the bill, they can invite them. That would be the ONLY way I would have considered it.
What’s done is done though so you’re just going to have to move on. I do think though that if you have the space, you should invite the people your parents had to cut with your Fiance footing the bill.
Post # 6
FutureMrsHouy: That is so annoying! Why do parents think it’s ok to invite people without our consent?? I would definitely tell her you just can’t accommodate more people as you already sent out the invites. It’s now her responsibility to tell those people “I’m sorry, I invited you without consulting my daughter first and there just isn’t any more room”.
Yes, I am mad that my Fiance didn’t tell his mom no. He does have a problem standing up to her. She is a strong willed woman and everyone in his family basically lets her do whatever she wants (which infuriates me on many more levels) but I will be talking to him about future wedding plans. She cannot have the final say ESPECIALLY since they are not giving us a dime. I will not discuss any more plans with her if she thinks she can make any more demands. We sent out the STD’s together and I didn’t realize he made ones up for them until after. It is my fault for not double checking and not making it more clear. Obviously, I have to just get over it and move on but I had to vent to someone!