(Closed) guest list drama – she thought we were friends

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Simply put: No. If you haven’t spoken to her since college and she made you feel that badly why would you want her there on your wedding day?Don’t get guilted into inviting people you and your Fiance don’t want there,

I wrestled about what to do regarding some of my own college roomates that I lived with for two years, we had a bit of a falling out but reconciled. At the time I was seeing them a lot because of my BM’s wedding. Since then they’ve blown off any efforts by me or my Bridesmaid or Best Man to get together with them. So, I’m not inviting them and I’m sure they’ll be hurt but I have enough to worry about as do you.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Don’t put yourself through that. It’s your day, not hers.

 

Post # 5
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

No! If you haven’t talked to her since college and you don’t consider her a friend then why should you? You only want people that truly love you and that are important in your life with you on your day, I wouldn’t even worry about her and don’t let it bother you.

Post # 6
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

How long have you guys been out of college?  From your post, it sounds like you graduated 1-2 years ago.  A full year or more without speaking to someone is a long time — even if you guys were once good friends (and it doesn’t sound like you were), it strikes me as odd that she’d expect a wedding invite if the last time she saw you was college, unless you just graduated last week or something.

I’d say no, don’t invite her, and don’t give her an explanation.  You’re not friends.  That doesn’t mean you think she’s a bad person or anything, you’re just not close and she’s not someone you thought to put on your guest list.  You shouldn’t feel guilty at all!

Post # 7
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Heck no! you don’t need to invite an aquaintance/"frenimy" to your wedding like that. Nor do you need to give her an explination. She wasn’t invited. Period. Its not like 1st grade where you have to invite everyone to your birthday party.

Post # 8
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I say NO! as well.  She sounds like she treated you like poo and doesn’t deserve to be invited to your wedding.  How would you feel if she said snarky comments about your wedding and you found out?  From what you’ve written, that sounds very possible – almost likely.  I’d say shake it off and keep your guest list as is. 

Post # 9
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Heck no!  You were hurt, and her [email protected]$$ed attempt to fix that now is sad.  She’s clearly just trying to weasel her way into the party.  Do what your gut told you in the first place and leave her out!

Post # 10
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I wouldn’t worry about it if you have no desire to be friends with her in the future. Do you see her a lot? 

Post # 11
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I hate that brides have to defend themselves when it comes to picking the guest list. Don’t feel bad. If someone brings it up again just say that "we have decided to only invite family and close friends". End of story.

Post # 12
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your guest list. Your choice. You meet X amount of people over your lifetime & you only have room for so many after family. Don’t even worry your pretty little head over this.

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I know of a few people who I have heard of htat are upset with me because they a) weren’t special enough to get a personal call about my engagement so they found out on facebook instead and b) are really upset they aren’t coming to the wedding.

I just ignore it all. They don’t deserve any contact or explanation WHY. that just makes it worse.

Post # 14
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t know this gal and I could be totally off, so take this with a grain of salt. Sounds to me, though, like she might be a bit into drama and that this might actually be more of that drama vs. her truly being ‘hurt’ about the invite. A little part of me wonders if she wants the invite as a chance to size up your event, if it wouldn’t just be a chance for additional snark on whatever you chose.

Maybe I am totally off base and I don’t want to judge someone unfairly. You know her best and you probably know if this is the case. 

 

Post # 15
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I would not invite her. If she truly is hurt she’ll feel like she’s on the B list. You don’t need to give her an explanation. If you choose to tell her say it’s family and friends or there are budget, or size constraints. It sounds like she hurt you for awhile in college, and whether she meant to or not she wasn’t an amazing friend.

Post # 16
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

ugh!  just leave it alone – you don’t have to invite her.  You definitely don’t have to stress about it either.  Please let it go and don’t look back.  If you don’t talk anymore, you weren’t close friends (or even if you were and you aren’t anymore), you don’t need to invite her.  She will be okay.

(i know, it is a frustrating situation.  but i stressed over something similar for months and really wish I hadn’t!)

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