Post # 1
I’ve got an etiquette question. My boyfriend and I have been dating 2 1/2 years and are talking about engagements – we’ve actually gone ring shopping and I’ve picked out what I wanted, I’m not sure when he’ll go back to pick it up. And we talk semi-frequently about the guest list because we want to keep it smaller. This won’t be an extremely formal affair, I’m tentatively planning a brunch wedding to keep costs low and breakfast foods are my favorite.
I’ve cut the guest list down to just the people that mean a lot to us, many acquaintances are being left off. Unfortunately, we both have a largeish family so most of our guest list is family members. I’ve cut out many people that if money weren’t an option I would have liked to be invited. I’m trying to figure out how to have a nice wedding & reception for between 3-5 grand as that’s all we’ll be able to save up for the wedding in a year or two, plus neither of us want to spend a large sum on one day when we’re looking towards the future.
My problem is that I am very close to a married couple with an 18 year old and a 15 year old. I intend to invite the family of 4 but the 18 year old is dating someone and has been for a few months. Am I obligated to invite the boyfriend? I am providing my unmarried friends with plus ones but don’t necessarily want to invite the boyfriend of my friend’s daughter.
Any suggestions would be appreciated! Also, if any of you have any tips on what wedding expenses to cut out, I’d welcome them!
Post # 2
My opinion is unpopular, but this situation is a lot like mine, so I’ll tell you what we’re doing.
We have a 200-guest count limit, and family alone for both of us is a skyrocketing 177 people. That’s just family alone. Naturally we want to invite friends, too, so we are only inviting plus-ones for people who are married or engaged – which is kinda frowned-upon. But if you are REALLY struggling with guest count limits, I would leave the boyfriend out.
However, I realize my situation is extreme – you might get luckier 🙂 And if you do, I would invite him.
Post # 3
I honesty don’t think you should feel obligated to invite the 18 yo’s SO. If they were dating long term or engaged, that would be different, but they are new now. Plus, you said you aren’t engaged yet and from then to the wedding would be an addition year or two, the 18 yo and his SO could very well be broken up by then. So I would just wait it out and determine the final answer when the time comes closer.
Post # 4
You arent even engaged, but you are judging their relationship. Pretty hoity toighty of you!
Your potential wedding also isnt for “a year or two”, if you actually end up going through with this, that couple could have been together for over two years by the time of your wedding. At which point, yes it would be pretty rude not to invite him. Also, giving out +1s to truly single people but not allowing an SO to attend is just all backwards. TBH I’d probably just not invite either kid since you are only friends with their parents.
Post # 5
If I understand right that this person will be 20 and in a two year relationship by your wedding then yes you should invite them. Especially since you are giving out legitimate plus ones to people who aren’t in a relationship.
Post # 6
moxie1023 : typically, i’m Team You Must Invite SOs of Adults. however…even though 18 is legally and adult in the US, i’d say no to this one. For the purposes of a wedding (in the US), I’d consider an adult only those 21+ since that’s the legal drinking age.
Post # 7
You do not need to invite their adult children. Thats an easy cut. And no I dont think a teenager needs a plus one if you do invite them. Theyd be attending as a family.
Post # 8
I think it’s far too soon to be spending your time thinking about a guest list, so much can change in a year or two.
Post # 9
I personally feel like she does not need a plus one. If you had the extra money and room then go ahead but if I attended a wedding with my family at 18 or 20, I would never expect my boyfriend at the time to be invited. She will be with her sibling and parents so she won’t be alone. Plus, if they have only been dating a few months then I wouldn’t worry about this until invites need to be sent out a year or two from now. The situation could be totally different then.
Post # 10
If your wedding is 2 years away, the 18 year old will be 20 then. Either way, you definitely do NOT need to invite this couple’s adult children to the wedding, especially if your relationship is with the parents and not their kids. You don’t even need to invite the younger kid who will be 17 by then. A 17 year old is perfectly capable of staying at home or making other plans while their parents attend a wedding.
You’re way over-thinking this.
Post # 11
megm1099 : Very similar!! We have an 80 person max. My boyfriend would prefer 50 max but that’s simply not possible with all the family we do have. He already disagreed with me wanting to make this an adults only wedding which would drop the guest list down to 64 people.I think it’s at 77 people right now with out the girls boyfriend.
Post # 12
Though I also don’t think you need to invite the 20 year old child of a guest in the first place. Even if you invite other “children.” So you can solve it like that. Also though, chill on the guest list. Easier said than done I know. I am currently obsessively refreshing this RSVP page because mine are due today. But… today isn’t over yet (especially in the time zone that some of our guests are in).
Post # 13
moxie1023 : Don’t forget, people will say no! So going 1 or 3 over the limit won’t kill anyone. In my case, only 4 people on my guest list are from less than 3 hours away, so there will be a LOT of no’s. Our total guest list, from beginning to end, has 208 people. But our plus-ones are only engaged and married. That’s just a reality of having a large family like ours. Nowhere in our area (that wasn’t a million bazillion dollars to rent) had 300 people guest limits. So honestly, we just have to do what we have to do.
The nice thing though is that our families are understanding, especially after hearing that my parents have 8 siblings each, and his parents have 4 siblings and 6 siblings. XD Just not an easy call.
Post # 14
I agree with PP, you’re not even engaged yet so why are you even worrying about a wedding? If you would have asked me for a guest list two whole years ago it would look different than it does now (cut some ties, made some potential life long friends) Our wedding is in 8 months and we just finalized a guest list a few weeks ago.
Post # 15
Thank you all for your input on this I appreciate it.