Guest List Etiquette

posted 11 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My opinion is unpopular, but this situation is a lot like mine, so I’ll tell you what we’re doing. 

We have a 200-guest count limit, and family alone for both of us is a skyrocketing 177 people. That’s just family alone. Naturally we want to invite friends, too, so we are only inviting plus-ones for people who are married or engaged – which is kinda frowned-upon. But if you are REALLY struggling with guest count limits, I would leave the boyfriend out. 

However, I realize my situation is extreme – you might get luckier 🙂 And if you do, I would invite him. 

Post # 3
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I honesty don’t think you should feel obligated to invite the 18 yo’s SO. If they were dating long term or engaged, that would be different, but they are new now. Plus, you said you aren’t engaged yet and from then to the wedding would be an addition year or two, the 18 yo and his SO could very well be broken up by then. So I would just wait it out and determine the final answer when the time comes closer.

Post # 4
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper

You arent even engaged, but you are judging their relationship. Pretty hoity toighty of you! 

Your potential wedding also isnt for “a year or two”, if you actually end up going through with this, that couple could have been together for over two years by the time of your wedding. At which point, yes it would be pretty rude not to invite him. Also, giving out +1s to truly single people but not allowing an SO to attend is just all backwards. TBH I’d probably just not invite either kid since you are only friends with their parents. 

Post # 5
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If I understand right that this person will be 20 and in a two year relationship by your wedding then yes you should invite them. Especially since you are giving out legitimate plus ones to people who aren’t in a relationship. 

Post # 6
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

moxie1023 :  typically, i’m Team You Must Invite SOs of Adults. however…even though 18 is legally and adult in the US, i’d say no to this one. For the purposes of a wedding (in the US), I’d consider an adult only those 21+ since that’s the legal drinking age.

Post # 7
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You do not need to invite their adult children. Thats an easy cut. And no I dont think a teenager needs a plus one if you do invite them. Theyd be attending as a family.

Post # 8
Member
2810 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I think it’s far too soon to be spending your time thinking about a guest list, so much can change in a year or two. 

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

I personally feel like she does not need a plus one. If you had the extra money and room then go ahead but if I attended a wedding with my family at 18 or 20, I would never expect my boyfriend at the time to be invited. She will be with her sibling and parents so she won’t be alone. Plus, if they have only been dating a few months then I wouldn’t worry about this until invites need to be sent out a year or two from now. The situation could be totally different then. 

Post # 10
Member
801 posts
Busy bee

If your wedding is 2 years away, the 18 year old will be 20 then. Either way, you definitely do NOT need to invite this couple’s adult children to the wedding, especially if your relationship is with the parents and not their kids.  You don’t even need to invite the younger kid who will be 17 by then. A 17 year old is perfectly capable of staying at home or making other plans while their parents attend a wedding. 

 

You’re way over-thinking this.

Post # 12
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Though I also don’t think you need to invite the 20 year old child of a guest in the first place. Even if you invite other “children.” So you can solve it like that. Also though, chill on the guest list. Easier said than done I know. I am currently obsessively refreshing this RSVP page because mine are due today. But… today isn’t over yet (especially in the time zone that some of our guests are in). 

Post # 13
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

moxie1023 :  Don’t forget, people will say no! So going 1 or 3 over the limit won’t kill anyone. In my case, only 4 people on my guest list are from less than 3 hours away, so there will be a LOT of no’s. Our total guest list, from beginning to end, has 208 people. But our plus-ones are only engaged and married. That’s just a reality of having a large family like ours. Nowhere in our area (that wasn’t a million bazillion dollars to rent) had 300 people guest limits. So honestly, we just have to do what we have to do. 

The nice thing though is that our families are understanding, especially after hearing that my parents have 8 siblings each, and his parents have 4 siblings and 6 siblings. XD Just not an easy call. 

Post # 14
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PP, you’re not even engaged yet so why are you even worrying about a wedding? If you would have asked me for a guest list two whole years ago it would look different than it does now (cut some ties, made some potential life long friends) Our wedding is in 8 months and we just finalized a guest list a few weeks ago.

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