(Closed) Guest list etiquette if we’re paying for everything…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think you need to run it past your family members who will and won’t be invited.  But I do think that you should invite all first cousins or none and things like that so you can’t have people saying that you are playing favorites with certain people’s relatives.

Post # 5
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think that’s a good plan. Best of luck!  🙂

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you need to get approval, but I think you should let all the parents know what the budget and guest list are for a few reasons. First, you wouldn’t want dad to assume that his relatives are invited and talk to them about the wedding as if they were guests. Second, you don’t want to seem like you were going behind his back. Finally, maybe your dad would offer to pay for some guests so that they can be invited. 

We are also paying ourselves and we told all the parents how many guests we could afford right away.

Post # 7
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Another option: We gae each of our parents 10 guests apiece to invite. That way, they can have some guests, but we determined how many…..above family members, of course.

Post # 9
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Fiance has a couple of first cousins that he would not recognize if he stood next to them.  We did not invite them because they are not a part of our lives. 

I would say at some point you will need to share the list or let your dad know that all the second cousins etc are not invited.  Make it clear that its the final list (aka no one else can be added, not up for discussion), but he needs to know who is/isn’t on the list so that he can make sure to tell people appropriately.

Post # 11
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Definitely talk to him, but make sure he doesn’t think you’re getting permission from him, just his thoughts.  He might be able to let you know family stuff you’re not up on (if someone just got divorced, for instance) and also be the guy who lets his family know who shouldn’t expect an invitation (“she enjoyed seeing you again, but she’s having a very small event”).  He can tell you if they’ll all be offended (good to know ahead of time even if you don’t change your plans) or if you should expect gifts even if you don’t invite them (so then you don’t feel guilty).  As for hurting feelings etc, I go by the reciprocal rule – if I wouldn’t be hurt not going to your wedding, you probably aren’t getting an invite from me.  I’ve found it really helps when I get to overthinking.  And keep spreading the “small wedding” info – small has a very flexible definition! 

Post # 12
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you are inviting the first cousins, and stopping there, I don’t see a problem at all, and you don’t need to run it by anybody.

Though, not to burst your bubble, you don’t have a big family. With just aunts, uncles, and first cousins, my side is 72. Tongue out

Post # 15
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

We have apx. the same budget and guest amount and are paying for it entirely ourselves also.  We are not running anything by anybody.  Invite who you want.

Post # 16
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I ditto GirlWithARing.

The topic ‘Guest list etiquette if we’re paying for everything…’ is closed to new replies.

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