(Closed) Guest List Exploding (Or, My Dad’s Gone Insane)

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Back home my friend S had her dad build a custom arch for her wedding day.  It became instead an elaborate (very gorgeous) gazebo.

He too was waaay into the wedding and when she gave him this project, he flew into total Toolman Tim mode and was the happiest man in the world.  Imho, men show their love by actions and deeds (working and doing). He was brimming with happiness on their big day and that man I swear was the happiest father of the bride on earth.

Plus now they have this lovely lifelong keepsake in their backyard overlooking their pond.  A beautiful gazebo!

Post # 19
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First and foremost. Breathe. Hyperventilating and not getting enough oxygen to your brain just makes you more frantic and upset. Secondly, you need to have a serious talk with your dad. I don’t mean email or phone call – assuming he lives close enough, I mean a real, sit down ‘come to Jesus’ talk (as my grandmother calls it). You need to tell him straight up what the deal is – “dad, you can contribute X number of people to the list. That’s it, and that’s all. You are inviting people to something that you have no right to ‘invite’ them to – if they do not receieve invitations FROM ME AND MY Fiance, then they are NOT invited.” Make sure he understands there will not be enough food, drink or space for all of these people that he is so called ‘inviting,’ not to mention how uncomfortable and panicky it makes you feel that he has done this. You are running this ship my dear (you and Fiance, I should say), and you need to take back control of the situation. Make it crystal clear to your father and anybody else who tries a stunt like this or similar, that you and Fiance are doing invites, you and Fiance are making the final decisions on EVERYTHING. Also, you may want to say that you and Fiance would like input from family and friends but you most certainly do not expect nor do you want others (family or not, parent or not) to go ahead and buy things, extend ‘invites,’ etc that they are not ASKED to do. This is your and FI’s wedding, not your fathers. The other thing is, most people I would hope, would not show up to a wedding that a father invited them to via email without receiving a proper invitation. You may need to get all of the information from your father regarding all of the people he so called ‘invited’ and get back with them. Perhaps explain that you are having a small, intimate ceremony/reception with very close family and friends and that although you would love them to share the special day, it is simply not possible due to space/time/budget (or whatever). Most people will understand. 🙂

Good Luck – and light a fire up under your dad. He should get the memo.


P.S. I don’t think you even need to get into detail about the medical concerns – it’s your wedding and you and FI should have what YOU want regardless of the reason. I also suggest that you pull your Fiance in on this ‘come to Jesus’ talk you might have with your dad so everybody is on the same page.


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