(Closed) Guest List – FI has a lot of family…

posted 4 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Well, is your fiance close to these extended relatives?  I have over 80 aunts, uncles, and cousins.  All who I know and am close to.  My husband still doesn’t know them all, but he knew we would invte them all because there was no way I could not include some of them.

If these are 2nd cousins, great aunts and uncles, etc. that would be one thing, but if it’s immediate relatives it is kind of rude to not invite some of them.

Post # 3
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I had a similar issue, my side of the family was 30 people and my husband’s italian family made up 130 people…so 160 people to invite. Honestly only 110 showed. I wouldnt worry so much, not eveyone will come.

I wouldnt explain anything to the Future Mother-In-Law …she doesnt have to see your guest list..is she the type that will call the extended family and ask if they got an invite? Plus, like you said you are paying for this 100% (we did as well and no one knew any details really) 

Post # 5
Member
13887 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You could also go back to your Future Mother-In-Law and say that you’ve budgeted for X seats for their family and ask for her help in whittling down the list.  Perhaps she’ll offer to pony up the cash for the remainder?

Post # 6
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee

I suggest that you address it right away.  My Future Mother-In-Law wanted to add about 12 people to our guest list, including a couple my fiance has never met either!  I have a large family so didn’t really want to complain at first but I am resenting this a bit.  My friend part of the list is only about 18 people and there are tons more I would like to invite but don’t have room for.  But at this point I feel stuck.  Wish I had said something up front. 

 

Post # 7
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
winterbride7:  This is your fiance’s wedding too. I’d discuss it with him and if your joint decision is to cut some of the people from his mom’s requested guests, he should be the one to talk to her about it. It doesn’t have to fall on you.

Post # 8
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Darling Husband comes from a culture where everyone is family. We decided on a small wedding. Invited 50 guests, paid for the wedding ourselves, and split the guest list 50/50. We invited immediate family, close friends, and aunts/uncles. No cousins. No children. It was perfect. 

Post # 9
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

Talk to your Fiance and see if he is set on inviting all his relatives. Then, depending on his answer, I’d talk to Future Mother-In-Law about your joint decision. This way she knows what the deal is, doesn’t ask about invites to people who aren’t getting one, etc. I also think its better to just deal with her and the issue up front than to not address it. 

I would also expect everyone you invite to come. Don’t count on people saying no, its just easier to expect them all to yes, and be happily surprised when you get a few no’s than to expect some no’s and be frustrated you get more yes’s….if that makes sense.

The other alternative is, like you said, to just save as much as possible to cover all the plates. Or look for a different food option that is more budget friendly, even talking to your venue/caterer about what options you have since your amount of people has changed so much. You never know until you ask what sort of agreement you can come to. Maybe changing an entree choice might save you hundreds or serving two apps instead of 3 could save you a few more hundreds. All that adds up to money in your pocket!! Just think about all your options with this aspect as well. 

Good luck, bee!

Post # 10
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

All I can do is share my story. My fiance insisted we invite 10+ people I don’t know. Everyone said it wasn’t a big deal and to get over myself. Now, 4 months out, I am so disappointed I didn’t put my foot down. To me, having an intimate wedding only with people we know and see regularly was extremely important and now i will never have that. You do you, whatever that is. Some people could cope but I cannot. If you know in your heart it’s not what you want then don’t worry about offending people. They will get over it. This is about you and your fiancé and your new life together, not appeasing people you hardly know or your in laws 

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