(Closed) Guest list frustration

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
75 posts
Worker bee

How are the costs being split? Whoever is paying determines the budget, and thus the number of guests.

Post # 3
2157 posts
Buzzing bee

NewtonPippin:  I agree with the PP about the budget.

In my and FI’s case, we’re splitting the costs of the wedding with my parents and his. So, his mom got to invite her 5 closest girlfriends and their husbands even though I’ve never met them. And we’re inviting FI’s relatives who live in Arizona knowing that they probably won’t come. 

But I put my foot down about kids at our wedding. FMIL wanted them there, but we said no. 

You have to have a discussion about your wedding with her. Tell her what you want it to be- small and intimate. Not a bunch of people you’ve never met and that your FI isn’t even close with. 

Post # 5
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

NewtonPippin:  I see where you are coming from. Is he inviting a lot of family that you aren’t. For example: You are only inviting parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and he is including cousins, etc.? Maybe you would feel better if you picked who that way, and then both stuck to it.

Post # 6
75 posts
Worker bee

NewtonPippin:  I would first have a good talk with your FI about your feelings on these extra guests. I think you need to be united in this and it seems as though you differ. Explain to him your concerns about this… that this isn’t want you were expecting for the number of guests and the implications it  will have on your overall budget and your initial desire for a more intimate wedding. Perhaps he will come to see it that way, but if not then there needs to be a budget talk. This talk would include knowing exactly what is being contributed, and if you are afraid that FMIL will not live up to it, automatically deduct her amount from your expected budget and work with that. In all likelihood that wouldn’t allow for the guests!

Post # 7
75 posts
Worker bee

MissPhish:  also a good option – if you are just sticking to certain tiers of relatives, leave it at that!

Post # 8
330 posts
Helper bee

Is the guest list equally split? half your side half his side? If not thats something that you may have to consider. As an aside, women tend to be more family oriented than men, so just because he hasnt spoken their names to you doesnt mean that they are any less important than the family that you have mentioned that he never met.

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