- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Phew, this may be long and rambling … here goes!
Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves. We are getting some help from parents- but it’s minimal. When we started to put together our list, we asked our parents if there was anyone that needed to be invited. We are working with a tight budget and a venue with a cap of 150. My parents asked us to please just make sure to invite all of our friends – that it was our day and they know how difficut it is. I thought that was really great of them. FI’s parents never gave us a number, or a list of people to invite. FI’s parents have a very close group of friends, so when making the list, we alloted them 10 spots/1 table for their friends. I thought this was more than generous, as just family alone was over 80 people for us, combined.
Well, as of this weekend, Future Father-In-Law told Fiance there was no way they could only have 10 spots, and they needed 20. Future Father-In-Law did offer to pay for their extra guests, and that we would for sure be taken care of, giftwise, by their friends.
Here’s my probem with it: There was never an offer from FFIL/FMIL to give us money to cover their guests to begin with. They did, generously, give us money for our venue deposit (that Future Mother-In-Law did for us, and told us not to tell FFIL). The offer now, to pay for their extra friends, comes after us giving them 10 spots wasn’t enough for them. Where was the offer before?
I called Future Mother-In-Law (we get along wonderfully) and I explained to her that my parents will not be having ANY friends at the wedding, and we had alloted them the 10 spots. Our list is, or so we thought, done – and we were finally happy with it. She understood, or at least told me she did. Then, in the afternoon, she was texting/calling Fiance (we were out at a concert) to talk to him about the invites. (He ignored them, he’s easily overwhelmed)
We can not add anyone to the list. We dont have the money or the space. If they get 20 spots for friends (this is in addition to family) we will have to cut our friends – which I do not want to do. I love my friends, and everyone who has made that list is important to Fiance and I. I want to share my day with people I know and love – not a bunch of FIL’s friends who I do not know. I do not care how “generous” of a gift I will get – i’m not inviting people to my wedding because of a gift, i’m inviting them because I love them and want to share the day with them.
I also feel terrible that FIL’s are getting 10 spots (maybe 20 now?) for friends when my parents won’t have any of their friends there. There are longtime family friends that have not made the list, that I would love to have there.
I’m trying to look at this logically and without emotion, but it’s very hard. I feel like the 10 spots we have offered to FIL’s is extremely generous…and if we HAVE to cut 10 of our friends to make space, I would rather give my parents 10 spots for their friends instead. I don’t want to come off as a spoiled brat, at all, but this is OUR wedding – and if his parents want to throw a party for their friends, they can do that on their own. Am I being totally out of line here, bees?