(Closed) Guest List Frustrations!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

First of all, the majority probably won’t send a gift if they don’t come, and so they’re just something to stress about with whether they will come or not until you receive the RSVPs. If you’ve already sent them Save-The-Date Cards, I think the rule is that you are obligated to send them an invitation. However, if it’s 50% your mom’s guests, and not even yours, I think she needs to pay 50% of the cost to feed people including their drinks if you’re having alcohol. I think people like your mom’s work buddies should also be included in the “Sorry We Aren’t Fabulously Rich to Host a Giant Wedding” afterparty since they aren’t people who you care if they witness your vows. Finally, unless they are super close or rich, most of the far away guests probably won’t come either. But yeh, my Mother-In-Law did this to my wedding. Luckily, she and FIL paid for all the “excess” guests that Darling Husband and I didn’t really know, so I didn’t really care. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.

Post # 4
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree – if you sent them a Save The Date, then they should be invited to the wedding.

I would talk to your mom about other guests (who didn’t receive a STD but who she now wants to invite) and explain that the guest list has now become HER guest list and see if she’ll be understanding. I would probably go ahead and invite the long distance relatives and bank on them not attending (but that’s just me).

Post # 5
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Not sure how you (or your mom) will feel about this, but we’re not sending save the dates to all of our guests. Only the ones who WE really want there. The first “obligatory invitees” will hear of our wedding (from us, anyway) is when they get the invitation 8 weeks before our wedding.

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