- Mrs. Twinkletoes
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Hi Bees- I need your advice here. When the wedding planning began, I sent my mom a list of people whose addresses I needed from my side of the family to send out our Save the Dates. We used a photo holiday card, so the STD’s actually went out about 7 months before the wedding date. Most of my family lives in Ohio and our wedding is in Virginia, so I didn’t think a lot of the more distant relatives would be coming, so didn’t ask my mom for their addresses. She proceeded to add people, and to avoid conflict I kind of just went along with it. But now, as I look at the list, this is WAY bigger than the wedding I’d intended, and I really don’t feel like busting my budget for family members who I don’t really even know. She also invited some of her friends, whom I have known much of my life, but with her little assurance that “they won’t come…” Well, now at least two of these couples ARE probably coming, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these family members come also….
I am frustrated because at first I left off some people who my fiance and I would like to invite in order to accomodate my mom’s wishes. But my tune is changing, and I want this to be MY wedding and not my mom’s!!!
She has talked about having a party for us in Ohio after we get back from our Honeymoon to celebrate with those who couldn’t make it. I am wondering- how tacky is it to plan this party and include that info (for the Ohio party) with some of those relatives’ invites? I tried to bring it up to my mom and she was a little huffy about it, but I really don’t want to run the risk of some of these people showing up, especially when our invite list is at 169, and out catering proposal is only 125 and already more than I wanted to spend.
My mom says things like “But they’ll send a gift,” or “We came to their family weddings,” or “I talk to her on the phone all the time.” Since she is helping to pay, it makes me feel obligated. But at the same time, my fiance and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice inviting our friends to make room on the list for people we don’t know.
What has everyone’s experience been with the percentage of invited guests who actually attend? I hear 2/3 a lot, but am just so very nervous about inviting these people and then having this big huge wedding… Can I get away with not sending the invitation to some of these people who got a save the date? It will be about 4 mos. apart that they’re sent out. Also, how obligated am I to invite people my mom talks to or thinks I should invite? She literally has hijacked 50% of the invite list. I don’t want to cause conflict with her, but she is pissing me off! LOL… she is very sensitive but has always had an issue with biting the bullet allowing me to be ME! So, can I tell her to plan a party for after our honeymoon, and send an invite for that to the relatives/friends in Ohio who she claims won’t come anyways?