(Closed) Guest list getting tight…what do to?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I believe that modern ettiquite dicatates that single guests do not require a +1 unless they are in a serious relationship with possibly a live-in partner. That being said, I think that a thoughtful seating arrangement based on mutual interests would be thoughtful enough on your part. 

Post # 4
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Country Cottage and Gardens

I’m having this issue with some of the invites for mine too. I think I’m going to go by the other people invited. For instance, my Fiance just graduated from grad school and he was really close with some of the people in hsi class. About half are single and half are married. So I think I’m not going to give the single plus ones since they would likely know other people at the wedding. But there are a few people who may not know anyone so I don’t want to make them show up totally alone. THey may not come or feel really uncomfortable.

Post # 5
Member
6943 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

When we had to make cuts to our guest list due to space, the first thing to go was +1s. It’s just the way it is sometimes. Anyone in a relationship is invited with their partner, but the “and guests” are gone. Truthfully, we don’t have very many truly single friends anyway. And everyone invited to our wedding knows other people that will be there. Actually most of our guest list already knows/is friends with each other. 

Post # 6
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I had an issue with my guestlist and we just had to come up with a rule since I am at a small venue. We did everyone who has been together longer than a year or engaged/living together/married gets a +1. The only exception to the rule that we made was for bridal party. But, since our wedding is on the smaller side, everyone knows at least a few people that are going to be there. 

Post # 7
Member
13904 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think that any siblings and/or members of the wedding party absolutely need to have a guest.  They’re giving up their time, money, and effort to support you on your wedding day (and all the days leading up to it, and likely afterwards, too!).  Regular guests ideally should have a +1, especially if they don’t know anyone at the wedding.  If they’ll know a bunch of people, then it’s not the end of the world to invite them without guests.

Post # 8
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

We had 8 truly single guests and our guest list was super tight (50 guests) so we didn’t do plus 1s. So as PP mentioned we thought a lot of where to have them sit. We ended up putting them all in one table (most knew at least one other person the table if not more, only 1 didn’t know anyone) and they were the loudest and most fun table of the whole wedding. They were all around the same age (maybe a 10 year range) and they really had a blast. I think sitting a few of the  ones that don’t get plus 1s together helps for them to have someone else to talk to. They didn’t sit too long because most of the time we were dancing anyway.

Post # 9
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
blahblahgirl:  We are not giving single guests a +1 unless they are part of group where literally everyone else will have a +1. Like you, we don’t want random strangers at our wedding, but also don’t want someone to feel like a third/fifth/seventh/whatever wheel. I don’t think you need to give all single guests a +1, but I would treat friends within the same group in the same way.

Post # 10
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We are doing +1s for the few single friends because honestly, if I were invited and wasn’t allowed to bring anyone WITH me, I probably wouldn’t go.  That said, we had an issue with too many guests as well and for us, cutting out kids that are not at least of college age was the best solution.  In other words, no kids under 18.  That got us much closer to where our venue would allow in terms of number of guests.

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think it makes sense to allow a plus one (to an unmarried, not cohabitating guest) only if they would not know anyone else at the wedding and/or are traveling from really far away. For example, I am inviting one of my coworkers/close friends who is a single girl, and I plan on giving her a plus one. She won’t know anyone else at the wedding and will be coming from a few states away. I don’t care if she brings a male date or a platonic female friend (I’ve met some of her friends and they’re fun, chill girls). Even if, with the plus one, she doesn’t come, that’s fine, but at least I gave her the option. 

All bridesmaids and groomsmen in a relationship will be getting a plus one (doesn’t matter if they’re married or unmarried, living together or not). The ones that are single are not getting a plus one, because they will all have their parents in attendance (the single ones are cousins and one of my bridesmaids, and I’m inviting that bridesmaids’ parents because they’re like family to me). Once they’re done with “bridesmaid/groomsmen stuff” they’ll all have their significant other or family there so they won’t be alone. Fortunately some of them are also friends with each other. I hope not extending a plus one to the single ones is considered poor etiquette?  

The biggest headache has been figuring out what to do about the friends we are inviting, who have a significant other, but we don’t know this significant other that well if at all, AND the friend has a bunch of other mutual friends as guests. If their SO isn’t there, they’d still have fun being with their other friends. If we do the “no plus one unless married” rule to guests, we’d end up not inviting some SO’s of our friends that we really like and want to be there, but I’m afraid of also looking like we’re being unfair by letting some people have a guest and others not. Like everyone, we have a budget and can only invite so many people.  

Post # 12
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Do you single guests know anyone else at the wedding? I’ve been to weddings as a single guest, but I was friends with people that were also there. I would feel awkward if I was invited to a wedding that I didn’t know anyone except to bride or groom, and couldn’t bring a guest. I probably wouldn’t end up going.

Post # 13
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I hear you. I would love to be able to give everyone a +1, but we just can’t afford it, and I’d rather be able to invite all our friends, than just some of our friends with dates we don’t know. Anyone who’s dating someone seriously is welcome to bring them, but when I hear people talking about “finding a date” for our wedding, or saying things like “maybe that guy from Tinder will come,” it drives me a little crazy.

The only people we are giving true “plus ones” to are our single friends who won’t know many people. There are only 1 or 2 of those. Our wedding party can bring dates, but I’ll be asking for their names prior to addressing invitations. I’m hoping that might cut down on the randos.

Post # 14
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

We are giving plus ones to folks who live together or are in long-term relationships. Fortunately, we’ve met nearly all of their partners and feel less like it’s a plus one and more like we’re just inviting both Bob and Jane, so to speak!

I’ve told my single friends who did not receive plus ones (none of whom are in relationships) that we may be able to give them out after we have some RSVPs and figure out how things are going to go down. I’ll probably give them out first to the people who are traveling the furthest so they can bring a companion with them and have someone to hang out with during their trip. I don’t know if that’s the traditional polite way to do it, but all of our single friends have been very understanding.

Post # 15
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

We kind of went though this same thing. Most of our guests are married or in serious relationships but a few are single. We just decided to give them plus ones since I’ve heard that many people bring them anyways  just because they assume they have one so I would rather account for that then not and have too many people. 

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