(Closed) Guest list guilt?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

If you don’t want them there and have made the decision to not invite them – which is 100% your choice – don’t let anyone influence you to change your mind.

If she asks, tell her that you’re not comfortable inviting them. If she chooses to not come because if it, that is unfortunate, but you have a right to invite, or not invite, whom ever you choose.

Post # 4
1273 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance and I are also having small wedding (about 100). Mostly for two reasons 1). We want a small ceremony and 2). If we have between 100-200 guests we need to pay $200 more for the venue! We originally had about 120 people on our guest list. Since we didn’t want to pay $200 more for those 20 people, we cut our guest list down to 100 people. 

I do feel bad because there are a few family members that might be offended, but I see them every 3 years or so. I’m not close to them really. If people ask, I will just explain that our venue is a smaller space and we want a small intimate ceremony. My mother wants me to invite all these distant relatives that I haven’t seen since I was 10 years old! Ridiculous.

Invite who YOU want to invite, it’s YOUR wedding!

Post # 5
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

To be honest, the guest list was one of the biggest things I stressed about. We had a fairly large wedding, but I have a really large family, so most of the guest list went to them. I couldn’t even invite all of my cousins (the ones I really don’t ever see) because of limitations (and I got crap for that so ended up inviting them and none of them came…). 

I still feel a little bad for not inviting a few people, but one of them is DH’s ex from HS. She still hangs with the same group of friends but we had both agreed on not inviting exes to our wedding. Neither of us wanted to see any former flames, good or bad, as we were walking down the aisle or waiting at the altar. I feel bad when we are all hanging out and weddings come up but I just ignore it. It was not solely my decision. 

There are others I wish I could have invited but there was only so much space. I think for the most part people understand this, especially if they have had a wedding of their own. If not, then people just need to understand that this is YOUR wedding, not theirs, and you can make whatever decision you want! 

Post # 7
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I think for most couples, the guest list IS the biggest stresser. You can’t please eveyone, and family is almost always the biggest cause of stress- “you HAVE to invite so and so, even though we haven’t seen them in 10 years,” etc.

I only invited one cousin out of twelve. She made a comment at the wedding- “Oh, other cousin would have loved this,” but too bad- I haven’t seen other cousin in 7+ years. 

If your cousin’s mad, it is what it is. NO WAY would I have invited someone to our wedding that was mean to my Mom. It was a really special day for her as well, and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone there who would have put a damper on that.

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