Post # 1
Hi guys, well I am in a dilemma. My parents agreed to pay for most of the wedding and the place we are getting married at will probably cost $7500 for 100 people (including food, DJ, and beautiful decor) so all I am paying for is photographer, cake and bridesmaids gifts. BUT
– my fiance’s guest list is really large, and I want to be able to invite everyone but I am going to have to make some cuts from his family’s friends… how do I do this without hurting my future mom’s feelings? Right now the guest list numbers are split 40(me)/60(him). He could care less either way, but with the economy being the way it is- his family can’t expect us to invite ALL their friends right? I am stuck and I feel terrible, but it is a lot of money:(
also, she mentioned inviting some people to the wedding but not the reception… is this okay?
Post # 3
It is your wedding, time for you to celebrate with friends and family that are close to you. If your not close to them you shouldnt feel obligated to invite them. If your having people RSVP and some guest are unable to make it have a back up guest list.
Post # 4
let you fiance talk to your fmil. have him explain that your parents are graciously paying for the wedding but cannot contribute for more than x number of guests. and then have him ask her to prioritize the list and create a b-list. you can offer to invite people from the b-list if people from the a-list decline.
Post # 5
It would be considered poor etiquette to invite someone to the wedding but not the reception. I would ask that they do one of two things:
a) Pare down the guest list to an amount your parents can afford
b) Pay for the extra people they want to invite.
If you’re not sure how she’ll take it I would have your Fiance do all the talking. I’m sure she’ll understand if you emphasize it’s not that you don’t want them to attend, but that you’re financially restricted.
Post # 6
Thank you guys! I am dreading this conversation:( I will let you know how it goes!
Post # 7
Yes, let us know! Reading through these comments I thought I had such a similar situation – and my Future Mother-In-Law ended up being completely understanding. She said that she knew she probably wouldn’t be able to invite everyone, and was able to cut a lot of people out without getting upset. So, hopefully this is not as big a deal as you think.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm
Is there anyway your Fiance could talk to his mother about the guest list, and see how she reacts to cutting back? If she gets upset, maybe he could explain that you two wish you could invite more from his side but it really comes down to money, then open the option up to his family contributing more to cover those extra guests. If they can’t contribute, maybe they will at least be more understanding as to why you can’t afford all those guests. Good luck with everything!