Post # 1
So I bet I know the answer to this already, but I am really really hoping that some one will side with me on this.
Originally we had decided to not invite co-workers. At all. Period. No discussion. HOWEVER, my wonderful, supportive, bordering on intrusive co-workers have made this impossible. I mean not just awkward, IMPOSSIBLE. Literally after I just finished explaining how limited our guest list will be due to budget saying things like “Well, we know where and when, we might just show up anyway.” (not kidding at all) “Of course, we totally understand. But you have to at least invite your boss.” “We won’t bring our husbands.” “If I have to pay for my own plate, I don’t care. But you can’t NOT invite us.” “Its not like its THAT many people!” No matter how much I stuck to my guns it seems impossible. Especially since despite my very best attempts to keep work at work and home at home, they often bleed into one another. I see these people EVERYDAY. It wouldn’t just be a temparary awkwardness. We are talking potentially career paralyzing. Seriously.
Anyway, enough of the rant. Here is the question. Do I really,Really,REALLY have to invite their husbands?? I SO don’t want to and can’t afford to. But, if I have to we can cut somewhere else. It would just really chap my ass if I end up having to cut someone who I actually give a damn if they are there or not to accomodate spouses of coworkers I didn’t want to invite in the first place.
Post # 3
If you are a stickler for etiquette, the rule is that married and engaged couples have to be invited together or not at all, no matter what. They are social units.
However, this subject has come up before on the Bee and my impression has been that most people are understanding of being invited to co-workers’ weddings alone because they recognize that the invitation is extended mostly as a courtesy.
It’s a technical breach of etiquette, but likely wouldn’t ruffle too many feathers.
Post # 4
Wow, that’s tough one.
Technically, not inviting spouses is a big etiquette no no. But so is pressuring the bride into inviting them. I would say if you feel compelled to invite them, leave the spouses out.
Post # 5
Maybe just address the invites to the co-worker’s name and if they RSVP for 2 people, let that happen and let them bring their husbands. Maybe they’ll just RSVP for themselves if they understand you’re on a tight budget. On a side note though, I’d feel strange if my husband were invited to a wedding and I wasn’t – and he probably wouldn’t go – so maybe that’ll eliminate some co-workers all together if you only address to their name.
Post # 6
If these people are practically forcing you to invite them, I wouldn’t be surprised if they brought their spouses anyways.
Post # 7
Tell them that the venue only allows so many people, and your guest list is full of family and the venue will kick you out if you exceed fire code capacity. Then stop talking about your wedding at work. If they ask you questions about wedding planning, just be evasive and give non-responses.
Post # 8
I agree just tell your co workers that your venue only allows so many and you have met that number with your family. That would elimanate all of the spouse confusion, save you money and not have your co workers there, because it really doesnt sound like you want them there anyways,and I am a firm believer that you should only have the people you want at your wedding there.
Post # 9
Try to get out of this mess!!! It is not their wedding, they aren’t paying, and you don’t even seem to want them there!!! If they bring it up again, tell some white lies – Say your mom already sent invitations to 20 of your old friends and now your room is over-capacity, and while you would love to have them there just isn’t a seat in the whole damn squished place!
Post # 10
@chickeybarr: I would feel the same way. I feel bad saying it, but that is actually an appealling reason to only invite one of the unit!!
Post # 11
@KitKatNYC: Ooooh. I like this half truth. They would know for sure I was lying about the size restraints of our venue because it is unbelievably huge and they are familiar with it and would call BS on me. BUT, I could use your idea as inspiration. I could tell them that after hashing out the guest list that my mother is really pushing the step family issue and now I have 75 unexpected additional guests and unfortunately have to cut them.
However, the flip side is I am pretty sure that I have myself painted into a corner. If I had thought of that two months ago it would have worked. Now I am pretty sure they have to be invited. Dammit.
Post # 12
I was recently invited to a wedding by a friend of mine and did not include my fiance on the invite but told me I was allowed to RSVP for him anyways. Well 10 days before the RSVP deadline she texted me and told me he can’t come because they reached their venue limit (thanks to her fiance inviting random people last min). My fiance didnt want to go to the wedding anyways but I was seriously considering not going.
With all that being said, I think you should be upfront with them in the begining. Spouses can’t come!