Post # 1
Alright, So I have been working at a small daycare setting for the past 5 years. Everyone there knows everyone and most things about their life – they were excited for me when I met FI and even more excited about our engagement. I am planning on leaving the daycare before our wedding (still 1.5 years away) due to upcoming school and other obligations. I realize that if I work there, and invite people it is rude not to invite them all (there are about 15 people, plus their spouses). We are trying to keep a strict guest list at around 150, and that adds a lot over our allotted amount.
My question is, would it still be rude, if I have left the daycare prior to my wedding and way before my invitations are sent out, to only invite the people from work I actually have socialized with outside of work/kept in contact with after leaving? Basically, the ones I consider “friends”
What is the etiquette for that?
Thanks for your help, hope you can understand what I mean 🙂
Post # 3
A lot can happen between now and your wedding….. A LOT
People can quit their jobs, move away, get married, etc.
I would worry about the guest list when you start looking at venues and know the room capacity……. The room capacity as well as your budget will play a huge role in the guest list. I would also wait to see how these relationships continue to evolve in the next year….
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
@pinkkathryn: californiabride is right- plenty can happen between now & when you have to finalize your guest list. I was contemplating the same thing. I asked a guy I work with how he handled it- he only invited 3 people that he was closest to, and didnt invite everyone in his group. He said no one said anything, and as far as I can tell, no one held it against him. I think its ok to just invite the coworkers who you consider “friends” and not all of them. They really wont care all that much
Post # 5
We are already trying to book a venue ASAP so the guest list, though tentative needs to be pretty close in number to what we are looking for. 30 extra people is a big gap – especially cost wise.
@theEguarantee: The problem is, a woman at my work who got married last year only invited RANDOM people to her wedding, and EVERYONE who wasn’t invited was very… angry. They stated it was rude, etc for her to only invite certain people. I wasn’t invited, though I didn’t particuarly care because I was barely friends with her. Haha. I work with ALL women, which sucks sometimes, but I guess it just feels weird choosing and being talked about. It is probably safer to invite none of them, however, I am friends with some.
ETA: also, I asked a few of the people who weren’t invited if they would have gone if they were invited and they were like “probably not” So I don’t understand their.. resentment towards her. THough it may have been because she talked to everyone about all of the details of her wedding and planning and then walked around showing everyone pictures after the fact..
Post # 6
@pinkkathryn: I am only inviting co-workers who I am close with (I can’t invite everyone – there’s 40+ people!). I’m not even inviting everyone in my “unit” (much smaller group). I’ve asked the ones I am inviting for their discretion and sent their Save the Dates to their homes. We don’t discuss the wedding at work in front of others.
A lot can happen between now and then- but I would say only put down on your tentative list who you want to invite as far as co-workers. I think inviting 30 people just because you are afraid it’s rude not to is way overthinking it – that’s a lot of $$$!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think it’s incredibly rude to criticize someone else’s guest list. 🙂
I would only invite the people you’re planning on keeping in touch with- those that you’re friends with. That being said, a lot of times work friends are just that- work friends, and after you leave, you lose contact with them. I agree with PPs that a LOT can happen after you leave. You only have to send invites out a few months before, so don’t stress yourself about it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
@pinkkathryn: agh maybe my luck is that i mostly work with men. just try not to discuss lots of wedding plans with them, bc that might give them the impression they’ll be invited. try not to talk about anything wedding related at work, as hard as that might be!
Post # 9
@pinkkathryn: I did the same thing! I left my previous job eaxctly a year before my wedding. I sent save the dates to people I was really close with and knew I’d remain in touch with, and put the others as “maybe’s” on our guest list. I’m going to invite 1 of our maybe’s, the rest of them we just havent kept in touch! Plus now I have 5 new co-workers that I’d like to invite, so it was good that I didnt put the horse before the cart. lots of things change when you leave a job, so I’d say put them on a maybe list and just see! you dont have to finalize your guest list just yet 🙂
Post # 10
@pinkkathryn: Totally fine! Especially since they won’t actually be “co-workers” when invites are sent out.
Post # 11
Even after you finalize a venue, the guest list can be tweaked. Mine was still being tweaked until this month, and we have had our venue since August. Pick your venue based on the 150 number. If your guest list goes to 170, you likely will have at least 20 declines.
Post # 12
@pinkkathryn: I don’t anticipate that I’ll still be working at my current job when I send out my invitations. I’ll be deciding who to invite based on who makes any effort to keep in contact (I will make effort too but if it’s not reciprocated I won’t invite them). I only would invite like two people from my work anyway though.
Post # 13
Not at all! If you’re legitimately friends with those people, only invite them. The others probably wouldn’t even bat an eye if they haven’t spoken to you since you left.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2014 - The Celebration Farm
I think it’s perfectly acceptable to only invite those you consider friends by the time your wedding comes around. I switched jobs in August and I’ve already lost touch with many of my coworkers who I previously considered friends. I’m sure your old coworkers will act with discression if they’re aware that not everybody was invited.
Post # 15
i would personally only invite people who you have numbers for and text/call them. If you don’t have texting convos with them then they don’t need to be invited as well as if you don’t see them outside of work then they don’t need to be invited. If your doing a photo slideshow then if you don’t have photos taken with them then they don’t need to be invited.
Post # 16
I think what you plan to do is perfectly fine.