(Closed) Guest list is at 400!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Welcome to the club…when I sit down and add up the number of people from my fiances side…adding in family members from all 3 of her past husbands, and her current fiance, and her 9 siblings….ya…its a lot…but I’d pay anything to marry him with all that love around us! But I totally understand the overwhelming feeling when you sit down and start counting everybody! 

 

Edited to add: Her is my future mommy-in-law

Post # 4
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was in the exact same situation, but I decided to let it go.  A huge part of the list was people my parents wanted there and, well, they’re paying.  You CANNOT send a save the date and no invitation.  If that happened to me, I honestly don’t think I would ever forget it.  I think that is so rude.  You’re too late.  If the list wasn’t set, you shouldn’t have sent them out.  Sorry this may seem harsh, but I feel pretty strongly about that. 

Post # 5
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It’s a really bad idea to send Save-The-Date Cards before you have budgeted the wedding and finalized the guest list. Who is paying for all these people to come?

Post # 6
Member
46679 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yours is a classic example of why the budget needs to be set before you do anything else. It will be embarassing when people to whom you sent STD’s don’t get an invitation, but it is better than going into debt for a wedding.

Post # 7
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@Des1902:  Honestly I feel like it’s really rude to not send an invitation to someone you asked to reserve that date for you wedding. You should have dealt with the ever growing numbers before you send out STD’s. Who is payng for the wedding?

I know that 400 can seem daunting, were inviting that many as well. We unfortunately can barely cut the list as these are people we speak to on a consistent basis. The numbers add up so quickly on how much things can cost and it’s really hard to have an inexpensive wedding with that many guests. You kind of have to invite those people now or risk really making people angry and dealing with the awkward conversations later.

Post # 8
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would sit down with your future mother-in-law as soon as possible to discuss this situation. However, it is going to be considerably more difficult to cut people now that many have received the STD already. Did all 400 receive one?

Post # 11
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You really need to work this out with your Fiance. Your Mother-In-Law will never respect you if she knows that he will just go along with her wishes when push comes to shove.

Post # 13
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Our list grew to 588 in total. SQUASH THIS. However, those who got Save the Dates need to get invites. If it helps a little, our final count accepted was 366. 

-All of those people that ‘for sure won’t come’ might come. We had lots of ‘oooh, really? They said yes??’ YES, THEY did. 

-Get Future Mother-In-Law to nail down a solid $$ contribution number or a ‘we are paying for x, y, and z.’ Then you’ve got something more solid to work with.

-Have Fiance discuss (read: tell) Future In-Laws that this is your wedding for the two of you, and while you appreciate their help/generousity/etc, this will be the wedding you two want, and they need to accept that. Otherwise, you two will host the wedding you want that you can afford without their help. 

For real, you and Fiance need to get on the exact same page, and then he needs to strongly deliver that message (whatever it is that you two are comfortable with) to FMIL/FILs and you to your paretns/family. Take it from a gal that’s been there, squash it early and save yourself the grief. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yeah the whole “ohh so and so won’t come but invite them anyway” is a bad road to go down. We have about 20 of those – and it turns out, a lot of them ARE coming.  Fortunately we have some wiggle room – but our 150 expected number with 175 invited is quickly looking more like 175 expected.

 

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