Post # 1
in the beginning we have had a set guest list of family and close friends and added 50 seats in case someone showed up we didn’t expect….total=150. we’ve planned it this way since 2015. Now that we are prepping invites to be sent out next week, we are getting notifications that so and so needs an invite and this person and that person and that person…..we really don’t want to invite these people because 1) we don’t know them and 2) we don’t have the funds to be catering to these people and adding tables, chairs, decor, favors, etc and ordering more invites…. especially with such short notice. we’ve made it clear in many ways that we don’t want these people there but this family member is insistent. this person gave us money for the church and hall (on the condition that we use the money we would’ve use to buy extra beef)….and we are so so grateful. but this is OUR wedding and we want people who we know and care about it. Are we being selfish? Or should we let this person invite whoever she wants?
we considered only having close family at the ceremony & reception and use separate invites to invite the rest to the dance and drinks portion of the night. i feel a little rude doing that though. idk what to do! advice would be great right now. thank you.
Post # 2
“Thank you, space is limited and our guest list is set” and then do absolutely nothing. If they continue, tell them the subject is closed and you will not respond to any commentary in that vein. Just act like they aren’t even speaking. They can insist all they want, but they cannot force your hand. If desperate, you may even go so far as to suggest that if they don’t can it, you will hand their own invitation to bring someone else. Or that they are welcome to contribute the money (Make the sum outrageous even if it’s a lie) if you have the space. But I wouldn’t even give them that much consideration really.
ETA: guess I skimmed over the money part. If their money has strings attached and you don’t want the strings, then return the money. Or call them on it, because it’s poor behavior all around anyway.
Post # 3
- Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond
I’m confused about the seat count. You’ve said you’re inviting 100 people but setting seats/etc for up to 150 to show up. Where are these random people coming from if they didn’t personally receive an invitation? If you’re worried- there aren’t going to be random people showing up, and definitely not that many. So let those guests the Mother-In-Law wants count into the 150 if that still works.
For the most part, skunktastic :
is right about etiquette and money and all.
Eventually though, wedding is in October and invites should be going out around August… so blame it on that! 🙂 Didn’t have time to include them in the list, then again this woman sounds like she’d be the kind to personally invite them over thephone or smoething crazy. Stick to your guns about not going over the budget. I threatened my mom once that it’s not just the few meals of friends she needed to pay for (in her mind she wanted to give me another $200).. it was the rentals, table clothes, centerpieces etc that adds up very quickly as well.
Post # 4
Tiering your guest list and inviting only some to the ceremony is very rude, and I’d advise you not do this (unless you’re in the UK where this custom is accepted and widely practiced).
The easiest solution is to return the money and have the wedding you want. When someone gives money for the wedding, they get a say in the event. That’s just how it works. I think you need to sit down with this person and have a conversation – be grateful for what they’ve offered, but let them know if’s not the wedding you envisioned. Hopefully a calm discussion is all that will be needed.
Post # 5
I guess I phrased it wrong. 150 people is the total of family and close friends invited. We are assuming about 100 people will show up for sure. The other 50 (fiance’s family in hawaii) is give or take.. We are inviting them but it’s up in the air if they’ll show up or not (even if they rsvp) due to financial reasons. If they arrive, we want to make sure they have a seat especially because they traveled so far. If we invite anymore, we’ll have to start planning for 200 – 225 people at least with the families she is mentioning.
And yes it does add up! It sounds so simple to to say hey come on over….but the numbers sure creep on you if you dont watch out.
Post # 6
I wish I was in the UK right now. lol jk
But ya, I get that…crossing my fingers a calm discussion and agreement is what will happen.
Post # 7
That’s how I feel. It’s also hard for me to say no because I don’t want to come off as the new rude wife (this family member is on fiance’s side). He keeps telling her we have a plan we’re trying to stick and it’s one that we can afford but not working apparently. We will be having a talk with her soon and hopefully we can come to an agreement.
Post # 8
“Sorry X, guest list is already set.’ Rinse and repeat!
Post # 9
- Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond
Ohhhh ok. I mean there are a lot of variables there. I mean if the family is in Hawaii and the wedding is 2.5 months away… I mean if they haven’t purchased tickets I don’t think they are. I mean have any of those people asked you specifics about hotels/traveling, etc? That would be a good indicator of who is planning for it.
Otherwise, politely and graciously explain that her demands are going to put you at least 50 people over your budgetted amount.
Another solution is to offer them B list invites. We didn’t do it at our wedding but some people go for it. We were fine with just having less people and we were right in the sweet spot of how many people were attending.
And I saw someone mention lieing…. I don’t think that’s a bad idea in this case. Just don’t let it be small enough they try to call your bluff on it, make it to where they give up.
People are crazy, it’s one night… the only people who get that much say are parents, or immediate guardians (aunts/grandmas) in the cases that parents weren’t around the for the childhood. Some guests just apparently don’t have better things going on I’m convinced.