(Closed) Guest List Issues

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Yikes.  That’s a tough position to be in.

What about a compromise?

Ask your bridal party (the ones with kids who live locally) to arrange the babysitting for you.  When you send invites say something like, "Children under 10 are not permitted in the venue.  If you will be traveling with your children and wish to arrange for child care contact Sister Bridesmaid or Best Man for information."  Then maybe you could have a few babysitters set up a make-shift daycare center at your sister’s house?

Then the kids can travel, but you don’t have to have them all at your reception.  If anyone comments about your nieces and nephews (which would be rude of them), just lie and say your venue makes exceptions for children in bridal parties.

 

Otherwise- I say put your foot down.  You can’t make everyone happy and all those children will be a significant expense.  If your dad is really set on inviting all the kids, tell him to arrange the babysitting!

Post # 4
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Why not have a sitter at your wedding? Someone to watch the kids and keep them entertained, but also out of the way.? That way all of your family can be there, but you wont have to deal with the kids during the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

This is a tough one.  Usually I would respond, "If you don’t want kids there, don’t let kids come," but your wedding date poses a problem.  You say it’s "your day", but it’s not.  It’s Mother’s Day (weekend).  I don’t think it would look very good (etiquette-wise) if you were to try and separate mothers from their children that weekend.  I think your options are limited.  If it were me, I would attempt to change my wedding date or let the kids come.  For the record, I did not allow children at my very intimate wedding, so I know where you are coming from.

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree with Niki. I’m usually very cool with not taking our daughter, but I wouldn’t travel for a wedding that didn’t allow me to bring my child if it was MDW. So, for me I would say change your date if you can’t stand to have kids there or just let it go and celebrate with your whole family. Good Luck making your decision. I know it’s not an easy one.

Post # 8
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

<span style=”font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial”>OMG…this is my story too!  I’m getting married mothers day weekend 2009 and I am NOT inviting anyone under 16.  I am from a HUGE family and they are treating this as a family reunion.  That being said – and I know this sounds harsh –  I am not budging.  My Fiance and I are paying for this wedding in its entirety.  No matter what, you are not going to be able to please everyone.  If you don’t want a bunch of children at your wedding, you shouldn’t invite them.

Post # 10
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I would’t sweat this one.  Let the guests decide… everyone can do what’s best for them. 

I was married on Father’s Day.  Children weren’t invited to our wedding either.  Two couples sited not being with their parents (not their children!) on Father’s Day as the reason for declining the invite.  Several guests were from out of town and made alternate arrangements for their children.  I think it’s fine to specify ‘no kids’ and let the guests decide. 

Post # 11
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Because this is on the Etiquette board, I am going to direct my comment to the etiquette dilemma here:

I feel like such a brat because I guess my attitude is, if you don’t want to travel on Mother’s Day weekend, then don’t come.

There it is.  Making your guests choose between you and their kids on Mother’s Day weekend is kind of rude.  A babysitter is a great way to get around this.

 

Post # 13
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

How perfect to hav e a party for the kids at your mom’s gymnastic studio.  that sounds like a blast!  You might actaully ahve more people coming than you intended. 

On the flip side, I’m not sure if too many guests will accept or decline based on whether or not they can bring the kids.  Many of them will be traveling on Mother’s Day, regardless.  So figuring it will be a wasted day, maybe they’ll just decide to celebrate on a different day or skip the wedding. 

It’s sweet that you are wanting to be considerate.  Mother’s Day is a nice day and all, but speaking from experience, I am a mom.  If someone that special to me was getting married, I would find a way to go.  I mean it’s not like giving birth or something.  I’d probably bend for just about anything.. my own anniversary, New Year’s.  Don’t stress about it.

Post # 14
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I didn’t read all the responses, so I apologize if this was already said, but I think the sitter is a good idea.

You could also have another family member plan a ‘reunion’ for everyone for lunch on Sunday, so your wedding isn’t the reunion.

It is very nice of you to be so concerened, but I don’t think most peope would be upset. Make an age cut off, and offer a babysitter for the others (I think you need one per 20 kids). Have them in a room at the hotel your reception is at (assuming it’s at a hotel), that way, the kids will be in one room with toys, TV and snacks, while the parents relax at your wedding.

Post # 15
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think the sitter is a great idea too! Plus, your guests should realize that it is Mothers DAY, not the whole weekend. So as long as there is a place for the kids on Saturday during your wedding, then your guests should be fine to spend Sunday with their children. 

I wouldn’t change your weekend, if that is the only weekend available for the location that you love!

And I don’t think you are making them choose between Mother’s Day and your wedding. People will ALWAYS have reasons why they can’t come– and I doubt many would site Mother’s Day as the reason.

I’m not having kids at my wedding either. I hadn’t mentioned it, other than adding the line "Should you need babysitting services while at XXXX, please contact the concierge at: XXXX." I’ve had two people call and ask (for others, not for themselves) if kids were invited to the wedding. They were very nice about it, saying "So-and-so saw this on your website and is assuming that kids aren’t invited to the wedding. They are fine with this- they just wanted to double check and make sure this was the case so that they could get a babysitter lined up ASAP."  I haven’t had much negative response so far.

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