Post # 1
So, for many various reasons, my FI and I decided we wanted a very small ceremony – just immediate family and our closest friends. (One reason was because many of my lot cant come so far away at a short notice). The number came to 24 when we included their partners. We are planning on getting married near where his parents live, as it is both beautiful and inexpensive there, and his parents are going to contribute financially (though not sure how much).
Well, MOG has now raised the guest list to about 35, and I know she still wants to invite more. These are the groom’s cousins and aunt who live in the area, and then her sister who is also her best friend, and now she wants another sister… and of course their partners… The groom says she will flip out if we try to say no to these (we tried with one of her sisters…)
Basically, I am going to have about 8 people at this wedding, and I feel rather outnumbered. It makes me sad because I can’t invite my cousins and aunts and uncles because they live in another country, and that is why we decided on an intimate wedding in the first place.
I really don’t want to upset his mother, because she is generally really supportive and wonderful, and I know she is just really excited, but I just feel like this small intimate gathering of our absolute nearest and dearest is becoming a family reunion for his side, and is making me sad that I can’t be with my family.
Post # 3
Who is paying for the wedding? If you’re paying for it yourselves, just have FI tell his parents directly that the venue and your budget can only accommodate a certain number of people. If they’re paying, then they get a say.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@turtlecat: Shut it down and elope. Otherwise, you need to start thinking about his fmaily becoming your family. It can’t be a numbers game unless it’s negatively impacting your budget. If you and your FI are paying then you absolutely get a say in where to draw the line and your FI needs to back you up on it; this is the first important test of your marriage. If your FMIL is paying then you are stuck unless you cut the checkbook strings and pay for it yourself.
Post # 5
set a budget, a number of people and stick to it.
don’t feel bad about lobsided weddings. my mom is paying for our wedding. FI’s side is 85 people invited, my is invited 52. his side is going to far outweigh my side but i am not too concerned. i am going to have FUN!!!!
Post # 6
@turtlecat: typically, the person or persons funding the wedding will have the say as to who will be invited. the amount of contribution is a good indication of the say they have.
i would first find out how much your inlaws are going to contribute. this is a huge error that i have seen over and over again on the bee. the couple are expecting a considerable contribution and get $500, meanwhile, the parents have already added 50 more of their family and friends to your wedding.
do not feel upset about the uneven sides. the family of my dh is all out of the country. he had his mom, his dad and his sister. he did invite the rest of the family knowing that they would decline but still wanted to extend an invite. that is all you can do.
just enjoy the planning process and do not get caught up in too many details.
welcome to the hive.
Post # 7
@beachbride1216: ha ha, that was the original plan, to elope, and somehow it got blown up to a more traditional ceremony. I suggested to my FI today that we pay for it, but since his parents already offered to pay for some (don’t know how much), he feels that would be insulting to them to now refuse their help. :-/ So many politics! I’m not trying to make it a numbers game, it just makes me sad when they include parts of their family that I can’t include… my best friend since the age of 5 can’t make it because she can’t afford the flight… that’s some of the reasons why we agreed to keep it small.
But you’re right, money does give them more control. I guess I just wanted to ask for some consideration on this, but I probably just have to deal with it.
Post # 8
I suppose you are right. I’m trying not to be bothered, its not so much the numbers, it is just making me so homesick. But this is a pretty emotional time, so I’m sure I will get over it.
Thanks for your advice