Post # 1
Hi all, I’m new here and have a problem u hope you can give some advice on. I am so super angry but more upset than annoyed.
Today my mother and father visited and decided to add a few of my father’s family to our guest list. This was not a problem for me (although I have never met them but was reassured that they are close to my dad). The issue I have is that it is at the expense of 2 cousins of mine whom I grew up with and want at my wedding!
The people my father would like to invite are his cousins who are close to him and his reasoning for removing my guests were that they were only 2nd cousins (mothers side) and that his family may be upset that their (adult) children are not invited.
Frankly, I am devastated. Firstly that he crossed my guests off without so much as a discussion and secondly that he has invited people that I do not care if they are there or not.
Do you have any advice for me on handling this situation? I am so angry and upset right now.
Post # 2
The guest list was our biggest drama in the begining. That is why I sent the save the dates out so soon. This finalized any drama between parents and guests.
Since its only two can you keep your cousins and keep his family as well?
Can you remove a co-worker or someone you know can’t make it anyway?
I am sorry that you are upset.
Post # 3
AlmostMrsDivall: I avoided guest list headaches by paying for the wedding on our own. who is the budget owner? Can your dad pay for the guests so it doesn’t impact budget? If it’s a space issue, can you cross off others who aren’t your cousins?
Post # 4
Are you paying for your own wedding? If yes, then you control the guest list.
If you are at least partially paying for it, then yes it’s nice to ask for your parent’s input, but they need to don’t solely decide the guest list. It should be people you have at least met before in my personal opinion.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
AlmostMrsDivall: The Guest list is my biggest headache also. My Future Mother-In-Law invited 20 people knowing only 3-4 could attend (but everyone wanted an invite so they could send a gift (their words not ours)) My FMIL’s company is having a board of directors meeting that weekend that they all need to attend. So we got our guest list shaved down to the exact number we needed and now we find out that almost all of them are coming and they pushed the board meeting 1 day so they could attend the wedding…. and my mom just told me she invited 5 people from her work (which confused me because she doesn’t like these people and there would be other from her work I would have invited) I asked her before if she wanted to add anyone and only gave me 2 names now she added these additional 5 people (10 with a guest) and I’m about 30 over my venue capacity.
My venue max for a seated reception is 150 but the owner extended it to 175 for us because we are adding tables on the back patio for indoor / outdoor seating.
The wedding is being hosted by us, FIL’s and my mom so I can’t tell them their guest can’t come. Of our 175 guest list 75 FI’s family members are flying into town for the week of the wedding.
Post # 6
Who is paying for the wedding? I’ve never really understood people other than the bride and groom adding and removing people from the guest list.
Post # 7
Thanks all for your comments. I don’t really think it has anything to do with the expense. It’s more of a space issue (there are already 150 guests). The problem is that he feels that just first cousins should attend in order to keep numbers to a minum and that if I invite my two 2nd cousins we should invite ALL 2nd cousins. I really want my 2nd cousin who is a friend of mine as well as a family member to be there though.
I don’t know whether I am being childish or irrational but I feel that it’s my wedding and i should invite who i want there too (although they are contributing financially). Is it wrong to suggest that no other 2nd cousins except for the two I really want to be there attend?
Post # 8
AlmostMrsDivall: No, it’s not wrong at all. You should invite people you are close to, and not invite people you are not close to. It’s really simple…
Post # 9
Who is paying for the wedding? If he’s paying, it doesn’t make it right that he’s changing the guest list, but it might explain his thinking and why he thinks he can do this.
He can’t just scratch two guests off of the list and add two others. It’s certainly not wrong to have two second cousins and not the rest. Invite the people you’re close to. Family members don’t get invites just because they’re family.
Post # 10
You should still be able to invite your cousins, it’s only 2 people. Chances are that not everyone will RSVP yes so you should still be able to accomodate everyone comfortably.
Post # 11
AlmostMrsDivall: He crossed off two cousins you are close to, for people you haven’t even met? That’s messed up. You need to push for the people who are important to you, you should get to choose who you spend the day with!