(Closed) Guest List Numbers?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee

jerseygirl28:  You should never expect anyone to contribute to your wedding.

You should figure out how many people your budget can afford, and divide the guest list categories respectively. For example, you want 175 people total, so you can invite around 200 (just for a round number). 100 should come from your side, 100 from your grooms side. 

Create a huge master list of everyone that has been included in your inlaws guest list, your parents guest list, your guest list, and your fiance’s guest list. Then start to cut. 

Family makes the list. Your friends make the list. Close family friends are next, and any work colleagues are last on the list. If you really cannot afford to have this many people attend, you will have to cut some people (equally from both sides of the family – regardless of who is paying). 

One thing I do warn you about – just because you have an arbitrary number in your head, doesn’t mean you should be stressing out if you go over that number. Unless you really cannot afford it, having a few extra people at your wedding isn’t worth the hurt caused by telling your family or inlaws that their friends are not important enough to you.

Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m confused.  You’re inviting (100 people – 10 won’t come) 90 people and his side is inviting 85 people = 175.  Where are you getting 200+ from?

Post # 4
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

futuremrsgerson:  I think the 85 from his side is just family/people his parents want to invite (but I might be reading that wrong) 

Post # 5
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

jerseygirl28:  I think you need to decide what your ultimate budget is – include the money from your parents if that is a set in stone amount, and then figure out what you and your fiance can come up with. Don’t expect his family to contribute. When you have your final number, then see how many guests that translates to. I would say try to keep each “sides” numbers about equal. So say you and your fiance can come up with an additional 20k, and your bottom line budget is indeed 40k, and that would mean a max of 175 guests. I would say you need to aim for no more than 90-ish per side. 

You will probably have to cut people from your side, and he wil probably have to cut people from his side..that’s just the way it is. If his parents are unhappy with this, just explain that the numbers are what you are able to do with your budget. Maybe they’ll offer to cover the difference and maybe they won’t, but at least you know you’ll be able to afford your wedding, and nobody should have hurt feelings if you and your fiance are inviting roughly the same number of guests. 

Post # 7
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

panda_bear3:  hit it right on the head. Once you decide on the number then you can decide on the guest list. 

I’m also not sure if I’m reading that right or if it’s my location but 190 people for 40k wedding if that’s your all in budget seems pretty tough. 

Post # 8
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Ughh I’m having this same problem! My parents are willing to pay about 30K for up to 165 and anything over we would have to pay for. My FH is unwilling to cut the list because over 50 people are members of his family and he needs to have them there. His list is at about 110 and mine is at about 75. I have a really small family of 12 (including 1st cousins/aunts/uncles) so the majority of my list is friends/close family friends. He feels the need to have everyone there and it seems like I’m the only one willing to cut people from the list and he isn’t willing to compromise whatsoever. It doesn’t help that his whole family has the attitude that everyone should come because its a party. They aren’t chipping in at all for the wedding and its really agravating that they have that mind set. We were contemplating doing a DYI wedding but after looking at the effort it would take to connect with a variety of vendors in order to run things smoothly on the day of it would cause way to much stress because we would be hosting the event at my cape house and would be in charge of everything. Now we are having arguments about who is going to be invited as well as where we can have the wedding in less than 6 months. Good luck to you!

Post # 11
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee

Tell them you can’t afford to invite more people. Talk to your Fiance first, obviously. But they have no right to expect people to be invited. YOU are paying for it, therefore you need to decide who you want there. They don’t get to dictate your day…not sure why people think they get to decide these things just because it’s their son/daughter. Unless they pay for the extra, they don’t get a say. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  califlorican.
Post # 13
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 

jerseygirl28:  I’m relatively close with the his parents, but I’ve left for FH to talk to them. Guest lists are a touchy task for most couples because everyone wants people they love to be there. Just take a deep breath and ask him to talk to his family and have them cut down some of there list or help pitch in. You don’t want to waste thousands of dollars on your wedding because you will need that money once you are married!

Post # 14
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, I think your best bet is to say, as politely as possible, that your budget will only cover X many guests from their side. I would calculate this as soontobemrsKB92615: says–either divide the total in half between yours and his or into quarters–you, him, and each side of the inlaws. In quarters, your FI’s parents would get around 43/44 people. But either way, you kind of have to give your FI’s a target to hit. 

And brace yourself for the fact that they may push back and hold up their contribution as grounds for having more of their guests, in which case ….well, deal with that bridge when you come to it and ask us again. :/

 

Post # 15
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

califlorican:  I totally agree with you! My issue is that my FH’s parents aren’t financially stable to help pay for the additional people coming to the wedding so now my FH is telling me he is willing to fit the bill and I’m just like WTF don’t waste your money on our wedding just to have all of these extra random people there. Its not worth it!!!

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