Post # 1
My Fiance and I aren’t getting married for over a year, but we’ve started working on some of the basic things we want for our wedding. While I would love to elope, it’s important for my FI to have his parents there, and it’s important for my parents to be there. We’ve decided to have a small wedding with only our parents, his sister and her SO, and our closest friends (staying under the 30 person mark). We are not planning to invite any of our immediate family. Is this a strange thing? I know a lot of people generally invite more family than friends, but we’re not very close to our extended families. I expect to receive some flack for not inviting my side of the family, but I don’t want the additional cost and I don’t really care to have them there.
Would you be offended if you were our extended family and you did not receive a wedding invite, especially once you saw pictures and noticed we had our friends there? I’d like to prepare myself for the worst.
Post # 2
discodance: i was in the exact same situation!!! i ended up caving and inviting immediate family, aunts, and uncles (many of whom im not even close with). now my guest list is up to 100 and i am really regretting my decision.
GO WITH YOUR GUT! you might tick some people off, but this is your day. you seem like you are probably a lot like me. you don’t want the added stress, trust me!
Post # 3
lynzietru: Whew, 100 people! That sounds overwhelming! Thanks for the advice – you’re right, I definitely don’t want anymore stress. I’ve barely started planning and I’m ready to elope!
Post # 4
discodance: I’m in a very similar situation! We had a VERY brief 5 minute “ceremony” last year before we moved far away and never got to celebrate with our friends, but my side of the family was there. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc… we now are trying really hard to keep costs of our celebration down, and I’m on the fence about whether or not to invite the family. It’s a difference of almost 30 people! How are you going to explain the situation to them? I’m so torn, but can’t afford to have 100 people there, especially when half already saw us get married once!
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
We did what you are planning, and have no regrets. We invited what we define as our “immediate” families and our very closest friends. Our guest list ended up being 35 (including us and our son).
We wanted a small wedding, and I had no qualms about leaving all of my Aunts/Uncles/cousins off the list. I mean, I have 9 aunts/uncles, plus their spouses, plus about 50 first cousins, all of their spouses, and each of them have an average of 3 kids. We were easliy looking at a 300 person guest list to accomodate my family. No thank you.
I know some of my extended family that I am close to were upset about not being invited, and I was bummed that they couldn’t be there. But I wasn’t about to do the pick and choose thing, because I think that would create even more negativity in the end. To be entirely honest, my entire extended family on my Mom’s side (the side I am closer to) fell apart during the year that I was planning my wedding. We had 3 deaths and a huge, messy, nasty blowout between the siblings. I have disengaged from that side rather than deal with the drama. Maybe my wedding would have been an opportunity to bring people together and start smoothing things over. Or maybe it would have been a shitshow if I invited them all. We’ll never really know what would have happened if we had chosen the path of a larger wedding.
But I do kow that on my wedding day I was genuinely thrilled to see each and every person that was in the room with us. And I know that if we ever needed support for our marriage, or people to celebrate a victory with, the people in that room would be the very first ones we turned to. Knowing that we were surrounded by our core group of awesome people made our wedding day that much more amazing.
Post # 6
No, as an extended family member I only expect (want) an invite when I am close to either the bride or groom. In fact I decline invites from extended family that I am not close with.
We had a very small wedding too. Ours was even smaller because my husband didn’t want to offend his extended family by inviting his closest friends over them.
Post # 7
Ahh thanks everyone! I’m feeling a lot better about it now. I love my family, but we’re just not close and, honestly, my fiance and I are not having that kind of wedding. We only want the people closest to us, and that doesn’t include any of them.