(Closed) Guest List Problemo :vent:

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We have the same problem too, and now that we’re down to fixing the final number, my fiance and I have found that we have to be ruthless! We have a LOT of those people on our list, the “I better get invited” people and the “we got invited to their wedding…sooo” as well as my parent’s friends whose kids are married and my parent’s went to their kid’s weddings.

In the end you have to try to pick the people who are going to remain a part of your life I think. If we haven’t seen a person for a while, we cut them out, and we definitely cut out coworkers and acquaintances who invited us to their weddings (some of whom actually told us we were b-listers. awesome! thanks!). I showed a list of guests who were really friend’s of theirs – they represented about $1000 savings if we cut them out. I told my parents this, they took one look at the list and said “take them off! It’s so not a big deal! And if they bring up the fact that they’re not invited we’ll deal with it” That has helped a lot.

We’re having a hard time with a small subset of people – they’re friends of friends, we’ve hung out together a lot, but we’re not super-tight with them. The thing is they’ve told other people “I understand that there’s limited space at Allison and Jam’s wedding and I would totally get why we didn’t get an invite.” Hopefully most people will be understanding and realize that you can’t invite everyone you’ve ever met in your entire life 🙂 If anyone says anything to us (it sucks, but someone might actually have the nerve to bring it up) we just tell them that we wish we could invite 500 people to the wedding, but the venue is small and has limited seating and we had to restrict your guest list. OK I say that, because fiance would just say “um yeah, we’re not really friends with you” or “we didn’t want to invite you.” Which is always an option. But I like to sugarcoat things. Good LUCK, this is so NOT an easy thing to deal with.

Ugh and sorry this is such a rambling response!

Post # 5
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Allisonc is right about looking at your guest list in terms of real cost. You may have 10-20 “nice to have” people on your sub-list, and think it’s not an unreasonable amount to add. But when you calculate what every additional person and every additional couple costs you, you may think twice about how necessary it is to invite them.

One way of looking at it:Is this someone you would invite to dinner at your house, or someone you would treat to dinner at a restaurant? If they don’t fit either of those criteria, they’re probably not prominent enough in your life to stress over inviting them to your wedding. Of course there are exceptions, but this is a momentous, celebratory time in your life. You don’t owe an invitation to anyone that you don’t really want to share that day with you.

Post # 6
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Be ruthless and DO NOT invite people out of obligation! You want to have people you love and love you around you on your wedding day not people that you HAD to invite!

When people ask say that you are having an intimate wedding with just family and close friends! It shut most of the invitation-grabby people up for me!

Post # 7
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think this really depends on how many people you want to invite overall? If you’re having a small wedding, there’s no reason to feel guilty about getting that red pen out and crossing people off the list. If anyone asks, just say, “We’re having a small wedding due to limited space at our venue.” No one can begin to argue with you there.

However, if you’re having a larger wedding, that might be tough because you’ll probably get more pressure from your family to invite certain people.

In the end, take into consideration who’s paying for the wedding and what you’re comfortable with. My mom contributed financially to the wedding, and because of that, I allowed her to invite a few of her friends that I wouldn’t have personally invited myself.

But to answer your question, you really don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to. But it’s always best to keep in mind, “will I ruin relationships with people if I don’t invite them?” And also, “If it makes more people happy, is it really a huge inconvenience to invite a few more people?” Those are good questions to ask yourself.

We had a small wedding (75 people attended), so we were pretty ruthless with our guest list, and I never felt guilty about it.

Post # 8
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are having a very small wedding (inviting 49, expecting 30-40) to our semi-DW. I know it’s tough sometimes to think about not inviting certain people. I keep thinking of people that I would like to invite but then, I think about the intimate wedding we are having. I’m only inviting one cousin, because he is the only cousin that stays in touch. My other cousins have never invited me to their house for dinner, birthdays, etc. so I don’t feel bad about it.

You don’t have to invite anyone. I want to celebrate with the people that are truly a part of our lives. When people ask you if they are invited, they are being rude and you’re doing the right thing. Just tell them you are limited by your venue, budget, whatever.

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