Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
I don’t know what to do right now and I really need some advice and support. My wedding is in two months. It has been extremely stressful because several weeks ago my FH had to go out of state for the military. We had about three days notice. He will be gone almost until the wedding. So now I am having to do everything without him which makes me sad and is stessful. My family has been very helpful but it’s just not the same without him. I miss him tons.
Which leads me to what happened today. My grandfather has one sister (Nancy) and a brother (Ed). My mom (who is paying for the wedding) is very close to Great Uncle Ed’s children and wanted to invite them. Neither of us are close to Great Aunt Nancy’s children (Lisa and Matt) and I do not particularly care for her son Matt…at all. So we did not invite them.
The reason I can not stand Matt (who is in his 50’s) stems from a particular incident. I had just returned home from Afghanistan (I am military also). I suffer from severe PTSD from my experiences in Afghanistan. My family knew I was having a really rough time especially when I first came home. I had gone to a family party (about a week after returning home) and Aunt Nancy and her son Matt were there.
I was already having bad anxiety just leaving the house and he starts asking me questions. Very very inappropriate questions…He started asking me if I was shot at, did I see anyone die, did any of my friends die, did I see anyone get blown up…etc.I told him I was having a really hard time adjusting and it wasn’t appropriate to ask me those questions and that it was really upsetting me. He just kept going. He was really nasty about it. His mother Nancy even told him to stop. He didn’t. I started crying and left the table. I ended up getting so uspet (because some of those things had happened…but I couldn’t believe someone would do that to me and ask me) that I had to leave the party because I had a bad panic attack.
I do not want him at my wedding. I was never close to him and having him there would just upset me because I do not think he is a nice person. Well today Nancy called my Grandma and asked her why Matt and Lisa weren’t invited to the wedding. Grandma reminded her about the incident with Matt and how he had really upset me and that I didn’t feel comfortable with him at the wedding. Grandma also told her I wasn’t close to Lisa (I haven’t seen this woman in over 10 years!). Well Aunt Nancy told Grandma that she was going to be very angry at the wedding because her kids weren’t going to be there.
I am beyond upset. I am already stressed with FH gone and now this. This is my wedding! I can’t believe she had the nerve to call my Grandma and tell her how angry she was going to be at the wedding. Honestly, if she is going to be so angry then she shouldn’t come. I talked to my mom and we are so torn on what to do. My mom is afraid if we don’t invite the kids then Aunt Nancy is going to be nasty at the wedding but on the other hand my mom doesn’t want to be manipulated into us inviting her kids and for me to be miserable because I can’t stand Matt. She also doesn’t feel like she should spend the money inviting them when there are other people we would rather have.
Sorry it’s so long but I don’t know what to do. Thank you.
Post # 3
Member
4780 posts
Honey bee
@Meganann23: hey sorry you’re going through all this and it must be superstressful. Honestly I loled when you said “she said she was going to be angry at the wedding.” Ok…let her be angry. What’s she going to do? throw some plates around? You can have her escorted out. Not smile in pictures? Oh well, no biggie.
Someone is always going to be mad at a wedding.
Post # 4
Member
3290 posts
Sugar bee
Seriously, do NOT get bullied into inviting her kids. They are only distantly related to you, and you don’t like them/know them. Don’t invite them. Done. If she’s mad, well then hopefully she won’t attend!!
Post # 5
Member
2910 posts
Sugar bee
Trust me, you can’t satisfy everyone so at least let that person be your aunt! I think that no matter what, she’ll be awful so don’t invite her kids too.
Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
@Meganann23 I can’t believe this guy! I really hope you don’t invite him. I don’t understand why people feel entitled to an invitation or why people would insist to go somewhere they weren’t invited. Good news is. It sounds like invites have already gone out he knows he’s not invited. So I say, what’s done is done. You should invite who you want. It’s your day. If Aunt Nancy is upset, so be it. Tell your MOH or mom to keep her away from you at the wedding. You’ll be too distracted with all the festivities to even notice her sour face.
Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
@Meganann23:
well if i was you i would or have mom or grandma tell your aunt that if she cant put a smile on her face then dont come we dont want to pay for angry people
Post # 8
Member
3290 posts
Sugar bee
Also, I’m SO sorry this is happening to you! People are crrrazy.
Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
do not invite someone out of guilt,i did and they or i should say she tried to ruin my wedding but got her butt beat instead,but i still should not have had what happen happen on my wedding day,if i could do it over i would not have invited her and would not have cared if it hurt feelings cause she didnt seem to care about mine
Post # 10
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
Your mom and grandma need to stand up to Aunt Nancy on your behalf. You have MUCH bigger things to deal with (your own health and well-being being #1) than Aunt Nancy putting up a stink about YOUR guest list. She will likely be FINE on the day of (*most* people tend to be on their best behavior at weddings) even if you don’t invite her kids or better yet, maybe she just won’t come! It will be okay either way. And so what if Aunt Nancy ends up being nasty at the wedding? I’m sure you have more than a few tough-as-nails, badass military friends to escort her out, right? 😀 Seriously, do whatever you can to de-stress and forget about this stupid drama. Invite only those who support the two of you 100% and leave it at that.
Hugs to you and I wish you strength through this time apart from your FH.
Post # 11
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
Uninvite Aunt Nancy – problem solved. There is no excuse for what her son said to you, and even LESS excuse for her to expect him to be invited after that. If she cannot acknowledge this day is about you & your fiancé joining your lives & support that vs it being a family reunion, then she doesn’t need to be in attendance.
And from one prior servicemember to another, thank you for your service and sacrifice. I truly hope that your wedding day is a blissful experience filled with love, support and pure joy.
Post # 12
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
I say just let it go. Aunt Nancy will just have to be upset. If it bothers her that much she can just not go. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable at your own wedding to make her happy.
I’m not inviting a relative who insulted me and cursed at me on multiple occasions but I am inviting her sisters (who are super nice) to my wedding. The sisterrs haven’t said anything about it but if they do, I’m going to take the same stance and say – I’m sorry you’re upset and I understand if you won’t be there to celebrate with us.
Post # 13
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
You have sacrificed a lot for America, a lot for that pr*^& cousin. Proof that age and wisdom are not synonymous. If he is the kind of person that repays that by emotionally and psychologically sabotaging you then, f$%^& him. As far as your Great Aunt, my Grandma Nancy says there is one in every family. Don’t let her bad apple spoil the whole bunch.
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