(Closed) guest list quandry!!! (kinda long)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think that I would kindly explain to her that you would really love her to be there, but unfortunately, you cannot afford for her to bring a guest.

Post # 4
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I understand your dilemma!

Since your hard and fast rule is, “+1 rule to married, engaged or living together,” you can just profusely apologize and let her know that since he doesn’t fit into those categories, you only have space for her, NO exceptions. If you start making exceptions, this guest list thing can become a BEAST very quickly!

Now, IF they get engaged before your wedding, I think you should TRY to squeeze him in (B list). But depending on when they get engaged, you might be able to say “I’m sorry but I only budgeted for x number of people so I have no more room.”

She might be disappointed that he’s not invited, but seeing that you and your Fiance met through her, and you consider her a good friend, I would hope that she gets over it.

I have the same rule – engaged or married couples only – and fortunately, have not heard any complaints (yet).

Post # 6
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve not been in this situation but I like to think I would bend the rules for an old friend (first friend you met at college, and introduced you to FH) and give her a +1.  Depending on how things play out, she may not bring him or anyone, and then you get credit for being a good friend.  I definitely wouldn’t worry about being unfair by bending the rules to give her a +1 and not bending the rules for anyone else.  

I don’t think she would miss your wedding if not given a +1.  But she might enjoy it more if she were able to go with someone who she really likes (and if she still wants to be with him after they’ve been through the drama you described, maybe they’ve got something that she wants to hang on to?)

Post # 7
3267 posts
Sugar bee

You have a good 6 months until you have to send out invitations so I would just wait and see what happens. If they are as serious as she thinks they very well could be engaged by then. If they are engaged before your wedding etiquette dictates he must be invited.

Don’t stress yet a lot can happen in 6 months.

Post # 8
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@andielovesj:  agree.


I think you should wait. You have several months before you have to worry about this, and inviting ONE more person won’t be a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Consider whether your friendship with this girl is more important than sticking to your “+1 rule.”

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