Post # 1
I would really appreciate any help you all could offer. My fiance and I, in discussing our guest list are running into some issues we haven’t been able to find a solution we are comfortable with yet. We both agree we would like a “small” affair, BUT, how we define “small” (and how our families define “small”) differs greatly.
I am an extrovert, from a fairly extroverted family, with a large “extended family” (family friends mostly that we invite to holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. every year for as long as i can remember) and group of friends; while he is an introvert from a larger immediate family (7 to my 4), but small extended family and very few good friends (2). We believe his family/he would feel uncomfortable and perhaps even put upon in a larger group of people they don’t know (50-80), I think my family/I would feel very sad and uncomfortable picking and choosing between those we love, and leaving out some of the people that mean the most to us/me.
We both want the day to be special and for our families to feel happy and comfortable (at least as much as possible) the day of. Any suggestions? Thanks so much!
Post # 3
Oh I hear you-we had the same sisues!
I wanted a small wedding as my immediate family isn’t close, but his family is extensive and it was super important to him that they all be there. So, my side will have less than his side, but we aren’t having people sitting on certain sides of the church, everyone will be mixed in. It’s not ideal, but it means a lot to him so we’re having a big wedding. So I guess what I’m trying to say is if its really important to you and if you can’t imagine getting married without those people there, maybe your fiance needs to understand where you’re coming from.
Post # 4
To me the most important thing isn’t having balanced sides or keeping to a certain number of overall guests but defining what threshold of relationship the guests have to have to you to attend. It sounds like for you that you would like to include everyone who you and your families are close to, but that works out to way more people on your side than his, which is one problem, and also you’re worried that his quieter, smaller family is going to feel overwhelmed by your tons of guests?
I see your fears, but I think you might be over-worrying. Introverts will stick to themselves whether they are in a crowd of 200 or 20. Although I’d argue actually it is easier to disappear and not have to interact with everyone in a group of 200. All you need is one person to talk to to make your evening go okay. I think the best you can do against anyone feeling alienated is ensuring that everyone has the opportunity to bring a date.
And at my wedding we had really uneven sides but everything worked out okay! My husband’s tiny group of family and friends had a great time. People know what to expect at weddings—as long as they have at least one person to talk to, they are going to be able to get along just fine. And any apprehension at dealing with a large crowd will be overtaken by the love they feel for you.
Post # 5
I ran into this problem with my wedding. I was the one with the large “extended family” but my husband was an only child with a small extended family and not many family friends.
I just put my foot down and said I was not excluding my loved ones because they weren’t biologically related or because there were more of them. The guest list was definitely very lopsided- made worse my his side having more declines than mine.
As a compromise with his parents, we let them host a small cocktail hour before the rehearsal dinner/welcome BBQ (it was kind of a destination wedding, so all the guests that were staying onsite were invited to the rehearsal). That way his parents got to host something that was small and intimate, but I didn’t have to exclude anyone.