Post # 1
Let me preface this with.. Im not getting married for a while, but we’re trying to come up with a pretty firm budget so this has been on my mind lately.
We’re having a big wedding.. We’re inviting 450 people and assuming that at least 400 will attend. 275 of those guests are MY relatives who my parents are generously paying for. My problem is this..
Where do we draw the line with plus ones??
My dad has a few cousins who have boyfriends.. I’ve met them a couple of times, so do they get an invite?
What about my second cousins with boyfriends and girlfriends? My cousins range in age from 5 mo. to 30 years old.. and 6 or 7 of them have boyfriends or girlfriends. I’m one of the older cousins, so none of them are engaged or married. The 30 year old is the only one that lives with their SO.
Our per person price is roughly $150. Do we suck it up and invite these extra people?? Only invite the significant others who live together??
We have a very large family and I see all of these people throughout the year.. but spending an extra $1000 on +1s that I’ve only met a few times is rough especially when I feel like the cost of our wedding is getting kind of ridiculous.
HELP BEES! If you were me, what would you do??
Post # 3
no. your cousins will know enough people there that it will not be awkward without a date. if they werent going to know many people, then yes. let them have dates, but that isn’t the case in this situation.
Post # 4
No. I told my cousins that it was a family-only event! =)
Post # 5
I draw the line at living together given the size of your wedding. When my cousin got married two years ago, my Fiance and I were living together. She didn’t give plus 1s unless you were married and this was a huge event, like yours. I felt horrible getting dressed and having to leave him behind.
Post # 6
Thanks for the replys! You guys are quick!
@EsqBailey: I kind of felt this way too.. but if I invite older cousin’s bf, I feel like I need to invite her younger brother’s gf because they have been together for 2+ years.. and the slippery slope begins. If her brother didn’t have a bf, then I think it would be a lot easier for me to just invite the 30 y/o’s bf and be done with it.
Post # 7
We are having 50 guests and I have ten cousins on my Mom’s side and my solution was that we’d only invite their bf/gf if they had been together for more than a year and/or had a child together. I have one cousin who’d bring his “flavor of the week” (his words, not mine) so this seemed like the sound option. I think only three of them qualified.
Post # 8
I honestly hated when we would get invites without a plus one. I would at least invite the ones who live together. I mean reverse the situation, how would you feel?
Post # 9
Given the size of your wedding I’d say all long term partners. I don’t think I would be understanding if I didn’t get a plus one for a 400+ sized wedding. 50, fine. 100, I could deal with it. 400, that’s a bit off. But I know one of the reasons I feel this way because SO and I don’t live together, because we can’t not because we don’t want to. I can honestly say I wouldn’t go without him. It’s awkward. Especially when people start asking “where’s so-and-so today?”, which they will with long term partners.
Post # 10
I have a lot of extended cousins in their teens and 20’s. I invited plus 1’s for those that were in LTR/living together. I have a few younger cousins, like college age, who have bf’s/gf’s that I have never met, so I didn’t invite them.
Post # 11
Who are your other guests? I think I’d invite my cousins’ +1s (especially if I’ve met them) on the basis that they’re future family and closer to me than say a coworker I’ve only known for a few months. 400 is a lot of people to not have room for an extra 7 possible future family members… although it seems like you have a huge family! I’d try to make room for them somehow. I realize costs add up, but in numbers 400 isn’t very dfiferent from 407.
Ultimately it’s up to you who you want to invite, though. 🙂
Post # 12
For our event, we’re saying together for a year or longer. But we only plan on inviting 200, and of that we know for sure that around 50 won’t travel to attend. Given the size of your event, I would say family only!
Post # 13
Thank you for all of the replies!
Does it make a difference that these are my second cousins?? I just counted and I can’t believe I have 60+ second cousins..
If I had all of the money in the world, I would invite them all because I’d love to have all of my cousins sitting next to their significant others, but I do have a budget.. so this is something I’m going to need to think harder about.
Sigh.. I completely understand the people who think we should just invite them all, but 7 people is still $1000+. That money could pay for our bridesmaids dresses, my wedding band (don’t have one in the budget..), flowers..
When we drew up our guest list (to find a venue) my mom told me I should cut some of “my list” to reduce the numbers, BUT I’M ONLY INVITING 20 FRIENDS! Out of the 325 people that my side is inviting, 275 are family..
@loch_ness: I completely understand where you’re coming from, but to be completely honest I would be extremely surprised if I was even invited to their wedding(s). Our familys are very close considering how large (and distantly related) we are, but since our extended family is so huge, I doubt most (if not all) of them are going to invite anyone past my parents generation.
We’re having a large wedding, but I don’t think we’re having an extravagent wedding. <~ I think this is what I’m having trouble with..
Post # 14
I think etiquette is that anyone in a long term relationship should be allowed to bring their significant other. I would consider that pretty much anyone who’s been dating for at least a year. And with that many people invited, those that aren’t allowed to bring their bf/gf may think they’re not that important to you because you couldn’t squeeze in one more person to your 400+ person wedding.
Post # 15
I would say no, not unless they were engaged or had been living together for awhile. I’m the second oldest of all my cousins, and the first to get married. I’m not invited all of my cousins bf/gf’s but my mum thinks I should. I decided to invite my oldest cousin’s girlfriend even tho I haven’t met her because they’ve been together longer than Fiance & I and he is also the only cousin that’s shown any interest in the wedding
Post # 16
At the 400 person mark, I think that you might upset them if you didn’t invite their long-term partners. I realize it’s still an extra $1000, but if you can’t make a cut such as out of college (in addition to 1 yr/living together), then I think paying the money for them is better than upseting them. Maybe they will gift generously, one can always hope.