(Closed) Guest list Question from an Overwhelmed Groom.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

How is she generally about money, budgeting, etc.? It’s my opinion that you should pay attention very carefully as to how well she’s willing to compromise and bend NOW because the issues AFTER the wedding get bigger.

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with you.

You are inviting the same level of people. Family and close friends. coworkers and inlaws of family members go beyond that. 

It may be she is getting pressure from her mom and dad. If that is the case its their responsibility to pay for them, which they can not.

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@JohnDoe:  No advice, but I know what you’re going through. My fiancee really didn’t like the idea of inviting my extended family, parents’ friends etc. At first, I was like your fiancee and told him was happening no matter what. But when I started pricing things out, and realizing – holy moses – weddings are expensive! We quickly cut the list down to immediate family and our closest friends only.

I really hope she comes to her senses! I personally love the idea of smaller weddings. You can focus more on those 50-100 people and really show them a good time without breaking the bank!

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
6216 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I hope she comes to her senses, too. See how she reacts if you want to invite the same, and if she reacts poorly, show her that that is why hers shouldn’t come either. If you can’t afford to have them, you can’t.

Is the pressure coming from her family that they have to be invited? The reason I ask is because she wants to invite her parents’ coworkers. They should definitely not be on the list.

Post # 7
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

When I first started planning our wedding, I wanted a TON of people on my guest list (like 200)!  After I started looking at the cost of everything else, I quickly changed my tune (down to 100 guests).  She might change her mind once you guys price out the dress, photographer, flowers, etc.  

I think you should stick to each inviting 50 guests.  This will keep it simple and fair.  If she’s getting pressure from her parents, then they can contribute to the fund!

Post # 9
Member
6216 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@JohnDoe:  You should tell her that unfortunately, since her parents aren’t contributing, they don’t get to pick the guests. I’m sure that you have people that you are closer to that aren’t coming because of  costs, that both of you are closer to than those coworkers. 

She’s going to need to learn how to say no to people who aren’t paying because otherwise you guys are going to end up with a huge bill. 

One thing I always say to people is to ask, “How has this person shaped your life/our relationship? Is it really really meaningful to us personally or to them to be there?” If she can’t validly answer that question, they don’t get an invitation.

Do keep in mind though that not everyone will come, so even if you invite 150, you still might only get 110-120 guests.

Post # 10
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

 

@JohnDoe: 

Welcome to the boards! Grooms may certainly post here, so don’t even worry about it!

Perhaps you can come to a compromise with your bride to be. If it were me, I personally wouldn’t invite people to my wedding who are distant friends/ relatives, who I do not know and are not in my life on a daily basis. With that being said, I understand how many family friends can be just as close as family, and want to be part of the wedding. I would first find out if your finace personally knows ALL the additional people she wants to invite. If theres people on here who neither of you know, but their being invited because family does—this is not acceptable to me. (Those people should be eliminated.) It would be different if the family was contributing to the wedding, then by all means—but they arn’t, so thats my humble opinion. Next, find out if she is inviting these people because it is what she wants or is it something that her family is pushing her to do? Also—if it is extreemly imporntant to her, which is seems to be, then narrow down the list. 10 people max from this list of “others” since you already have 100+. This way, you are both benefitting, without breaking the bank.  

I hope this helps. 🙂   

Post # 11
Member
6216 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

The PP makes a good point too that you don’t need to send out invitations yet. As long as you’re not going with a venue that can’t possibly hold 150 or has to have more than 100, invites won’t go out for a long time. You have time to see how much everything else will cost and she will likely change her mind

Post # 12
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think your fiancee is in the wrong. It is appropriate to let each set of parents invite a small number of guests (like, less than 10). Parents’ co-workers is ridiculous. Siblings parents-in-law is silly too. The parents-in-law are not part of her family. Sibling’s spouse married into her family, spouse’s parents did not.

But marriage is about compromise, and I’ve no idea how to resolve this. Perhaps show her this thread? 🙂

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@JohnDoe:  She’s got to be able to tell her parents NO. I noticed you’re in So Cal (so am I), stuff is EXPENSIVE and unless you’re going to want to mortgage your life and your future children, she’s going to have to come to her senses. 

I’m kind of like @aislebound:  I wanted a good sized wedding until I figured out what things cost. Then I was like… oh HELL no.

Post # 14
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

tell her you want to invite about 50 (or 100 just to urk her nerves) extra random people she never met and see how she likes it. 

Post # 15
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

Maybe this will help? It helped us narrow down our list to a realistic number. 

Post # 16
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@JohnDoe:  

You are right and she is wrong. What a waste of money. Maybe show her this thread, it looks pretty unanimous here.

The topic ‘Guest list Question from an Overwhelmed Groom.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors