(Closed) Guest list Question from an Overwhelmed Groom.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are both right. To you money is most important. For her having all herfamily is most important. The compromise itoto allow her to have the people she wants but limit how much you spend per Person. $15,000 budget means $7500 spent on food and bev. For 150 people she needs to find a place that can do all food and bev including alcohol) for $37.50 (remember you have to pay 25% tax and gratuity. It can be done, but think more backyard BBQ with the local mexican place catering vs hotel ballroom. Or  cocktail party vs sit down dinner. Does that fit her vision?

Even with your 100 people it going to be tight. You’ll have to find a place that can do f&b for $56.25 pp. Most standard places around me were charging $75pp (not including the 25% tax and grat), some included h’orsd some didn’t. But you can add on another $10-12pp per hour for  open bar. 

I would put the discussion about guest lists on the backburner until you have a better idea how much everything costs. 


Post # 18
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I went through the same thing with the guestlist- my husband’s family is used to having huge weddings and they just expected that all of the extended family should be invited, even though he was already inviting way more people than me in the first place. We eventually came to the agreement that BOTH of us had to know everyone invited. This might not work for everyone, but it helped us choose who was actually close and important and should be invited. We wanted to be surrounded by people who had supported us and watched us grow as a couple, not introducing random family or coworkers that we would never see again. Also, if her parents aren’t paying for anything then they really don’t have a say in the guest list. I’m not sure what you can say to convince her, but hopefully she comes around!

Post # 19
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@JohnDoe:  Sorry to hear you are going thru this but I don’t have much advice because my situation was a little different. My parents wanted a few friends that I am very close to, and Fiance and I both agreed to add them to our list because my parents are helping with the guest list (They did NOT say their money was contingent on inviting these guests but I felt it was only right). My FI’s family is the larger part of the guest list and the one we had the most difficult time narrowing down. I think it’s obvious your FI’s family is putting a buzz in her ear about inviting those friends and that’s not really fair at all since they are not able to contribute financially. I would try to very kindly suggest that you and her keep your suggested budget and that she not spend her own money because there are other things she could spend her money on? Good luck!

Post # 20
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’ll never comprehend why parents think it’s their right to invite their friends and their co-workers to your wedding that YOU are paying for. 

I’d say that your guest list is already pretty Bride-sided and that you are being logical to want to keep you numbers down. The price she (you’ll) end up paying for all her parent’s people is a good chunk of a downpayment on a condo, car or your honeymoon paid for in full. 


Post # 21
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think she should be willing to compromise.Both of your opinions should be taken into consideration.Maybe suggest a cheaper venue to accomodate some of the additional guests.I think it is silly to invite people that you are not close with.

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