(Closed) Guest list RSVP issues

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@Mulan05:  Wow, I can’t believe some of this.

So for issue one, I think you can just explain that you wedding list is limited by the size of the venue and you already planned the guest list assuming they didn’t have significant others.  If you want their SO’s to come, you could say that if you have others decline and end up with extra spots then you can let them know.

 

For the second part, I was worried about that too.  I’m not until September so invitations won’t be going out for a few more months.  Our rule for plus ones was: all wedding party members got a plus one, anyone engaged or married got a plus one, and anyone living with an SO or in a serious relationship (we have a few friends that are doing long distance and have been for multiple years).  So our concern was exactly what you’re talking about.  Even if we specifically invited Jack and Jill, but then they break it off, we don’t want Jack bringing a random date.  We wanted a small wedding originally, which isn’t happening, but we are still trying to keep it as small as we possibly can.

 

Last issue, I would say absolutely not.  I’m not sure why they would think that it alright.  If I were you I would contact them and very politely explain that the invitation was addressed to them specifically.  And if they can’t come just to respond back saying so, don’t give their invite to someone else.  If you wanted that someone else to come, you would have invited them yourself.

Post # 4
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Invites are such a pain in the butt!!! I think you will be fine in the long run but it’s going to be a headache for now. You will have several people probably decline which will open up spots for you to add other guest. If you extend and invitation to Billy & Jane and Billy is out of town, Jane shouldn’t bring Thomas. Typically the bride and groom don’t want a bunch of people they don’t know at the wedding. Just tell them that the first seats that open up will be given to them.

Post # 6
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@Mulan05: Good luck with that!  I hope everything is able to work out. 

Also, I don’t think it is bad to hope for a few no’s (which you’ll probably get) so that you can invite their SO’s.

Post # 7
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@subola:  –> This. I agree with all 3 answers.

1. I would tell your fiance’s siblings exactly what you wrote here – that you wished they would have told you earlier, but you have invited the max number of guests. As soon as you recieve a decline, you will let them know.

2. I am worried about this also – I think it is good etiquette to give plus ones to guests who have been dating awhile, but if something happens I don’t want any random dates at my wedding!!

3. Why do people think it is okay to do this? Um, no.

Post # 8
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here (lol, comes with my career)

Ok lets see.

Issue # 1 – Siblings & their SOs / Dates

I get WHY and WHERE you set the boundary. But I think in the case of Siblings of your Fiance (Hubby2B) that you need to make an exception here… if for no other reason than to keep the family peace… afterall when all is said & done, you will be part of this family.

Have your Fiance talk to his two sisters… apologize. Say you guys didn’t know, and Invites are in the mail (in this case, I’d send the Invites directly to the Sisters, and not necessarily put names on the Inner Envelopes… so that if goodness gracious there is a change in their status in the interim… then at least they can bring whomever they wish.  And this will put them on equal footing with their other Sibs)

As it is only 2 Invites… AND FAMILY.  I’d do this ASAP.  No need to wait for RSVPs to come back with NOs… as I can assure you there will be some.

Issue # 2 – John & Jane

You did the right thing.  If you addressed the Invite to John & Jane then that is supposed to be who is or isn’t attending.  John can certainly come without Jane… but he shouldn’t be bringing her Sister Sue (because Jane is away on business) unless he first touches base with you.

Typically when it comes to Weddings… if one of the couple invited can’t come… then they both don’t come.

Issue # 3 – Sally & Tom

The Invite was addressed to Sally & Tom period.  They should not be handing it off to Jill & Jack, just because they cannot make it.  This is a Wedding Invite… not tickets to a rock concert they won from the local radio station !!

Unless your Fiance is ok with “paying the freight” for Jill & Jack who used to live on his street (which we assume he isn’t… otherwise you guys would have Invited them… or in the very least had them on your Back Up B List)… you need to call up Sally & Tom and tell them you are sorry that they won’t be able to make it… but this is a Wedding Invite and as such is non-transferable.  So sadly, THEY NEED TO CALL… Jill & Jack to say they’ve made a grievous error… and overstepped their rights from an Etiquette Stand Point… and that Jill & Jack are not Invited.

Hope this helps,

PS… Sheesh, the last one really sours my pickles.  Cannot believe that one.  Good luck girl… you hang in there, the RSVP Cycle is probably the roughest this whole thing will get… even with our 50+ year old friends, we too had issues… a generation that is supposed to know better to begin with… and has had lots of practice.

 

Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@Sea_Ashley:  I’m glad you agree. 

 

I don’t want to thread steal, so I started another board here:

Plus One Dilemmas

Post # 10
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@This Time Round:  Ok, I could definitely use some advice as well.  Could you check out my post here:

Plus One Dilemmas

 

Your help would be much appreciated!

Post # 12
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @subola:  lol, saw your link.  And just completed my reply

 

Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I seriously do not understand how grown adults cannot understand the basic premise of an invitation. If it says you and one other, bring one other, if it says Dear Dick and Jane then unless you are either Dick or Jane then you are NOT invited, if you are either Dick or Jane but can’t attend then that’s it you don’t contact old Tom and see if he’s free. ARGH it really is this simple. 

 

AND the rudeness of it all! Making a decision about someone else’s wedding and not even having the decency to consider budgetary issues etc and then putting the bride and groom in an awkward situation is really disrespectful.  

Post # 14
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mulan05:  how did your Fiance not know his siblings dating situations/relationship status?  if he really didn’t know, they don’t get a plus one.

 

and I gues I can see that Jack and Jane are invited, but it’s an invite for 2, so if Jane wants to bring Joe what’s the big deal? you still invited 2 people? I dunno

Post # 16
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@This Time Round:  Who needs to reply when there’s This Time Round?!?! Couldn’t have said it better.

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