(Closed) Guest list – Sex Offender and Kids

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

I’d probably just put your cousin’s name on the invitation and let her know there will be children at your wedding. Maybe they will get the idea…?

Post # 49
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

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nelliemade :  Are you then aware that all people are individuals, but your laws don’t necessarily see it that way. You appear to buy into the stigma against those required to register as sex offenders, no questions asked. That you give dogs the benefit of the doubt over people says more about you than dogs or registered sex offenders.

Post # 50
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

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greeneyedamber :  You misunderstood. The guy in question didn’t molest the girl. The girl’s bio father did. She falsely accused the guy in question, and even though it was a false accusation, he was found to be in violation of his parole because he was living with “an aggressive dog breed.”

Post # 51
Member
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

What?! HOW is this even a question?!

 

No you don’t invite a sex offender an no you don’t invite your cousin that thinks it’s OK to marry a sex offender. What the fuckity fuck!?

Post # 52
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry, I have to change my earlier advice. With all of the additional details you’ve given, I would invite the guy. It doesn’t sound like he raped a child; it sounds like he had consentual sex with a girl a few years younger than him. People’s lives have been ruined over this stuff, and this sounds like this is one of those cases.

The fact that he was falsely accused of something by a girl who is a diagnosed pathological liar, and whose own father ended up being guilty of said crime, doesn’t say anything about HIM or his character. 

The parole violation was for being around a Pitt bull… consensual sex a decade ago, and living with a Pitt bull aren’t reasons to exclude someone from a wedding, in my opinion. 

Having said that, I think your final guest list is always up to you. 

Post # 53
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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nelliemade :  It sounds like you dont like him/ aren’t close with your cousin. That is reason enough not to invite him. It doesn’t sound like he’s a child molestor where you need to be worried he’s going to try to steal someone’s child or do something innapropriate at your wedding. From what I understand, it was a 15/18 year old situation, the daughter lied and made it up, and having a pitbull was a parole violation (a stupid decision on his part) which landed him back in jail. While some of his decisions are dumb, it doesnt sound like youd have to be concerned for the safety of your guests because of his presence.

That said- youre the only one here who actually knows him. If you get a bad feeling or dont like him, dont invite them. 

Post # 54
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

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MsBeer :  It’s a question because the crime in question is that the guy had sex with a 15 year old when he was 18. Illegal, yes. But hardly as scandalous as the “sex offender” title might lead one to believe – and certainly doesn’t make him a pedophile. 

Post # 55
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

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Soon2bmrs1 :  No, consensual yet illegal sex is not the question. In my state the age of consent is a hard 18 for anyone, and I doubt I know many people who have not committed this sex crime. At issue here is his status as a registered sex offender, and the stigma attached to it, possibly resulting in wedding day drama. Nothing more, nothing less.

By The Way – if this guy had beaten a 5 year old half to death or killed the same 15 year old, we would not be having this discussion. I find that odd.

Post # 56
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

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jasmeen :   I’ll have to respectfully disagree. I didn’t read anywhere where the OP stated that she was worried about wedding day drama. Her exact words were: 

“My cousin decided that marrying a convicted sex offender would be a GREAT idea. I’m far less than impressed, but I feel like I should invite her to the wedding – we were once very close until her choices of men sent me running – however, I also have friends who will be bringing their kids. … Could I use my friend’s kids as a legit reason not to invite him?”

 It sounds like she’s worried about this guy  being around kids – not that other people at the wedding will know  about his status and cause drama. 

 I could be misreading your post, but it sounds to me like this guy’s status as a sex offender and the specific crimes involved are what the OP doesn’t like about him,  and why she doesn’t want to invite him. 

 Given her details of those crimes and the fact that he has paid for them in spades,  I don’t personally feel like he should be excluded.

Post # 57
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Originally, I was like, “No way!  don’t invite the guy”  However, after further details that it is clear that he did NOT violate his probation b/c of molesting some girl and was not originally convicted as a sex offender, he deserves an invite.  It sounds like he got the short-end of the stick re: stat rape and it was a long time ago.  

I still wouldn’t be overly comfortable inviting him but he did serve time for his crime.  If you don’t want him there, don’t invite your cousin either.

Post # 58
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee

I would just not invite either and save yourself a headache.

Post # 59
Member
11359 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Again, you need to read the actual court papers, not her account of it. I would be shocked if he got 4 more years for having a pit bull. 

This woman married a man who sexually assaulted her daughter, and is now with this guy whom she tells you just got a bad deal re a sexual contact with a minor conviction. Color me suspicious but I’d be reading the actual court documents because she is what’s known as an unreliable witness with a built in bias. 

This story she’s feeding you is the literal go-to excuse for people who have to register on the second offenders list. You can find all of this out for yourself if you’re inclined. 

If this is all true, then do what works for you. If he isn’t a threat to anyone, invite him. 

 

Post # 60
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

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BalletParker :  I absolutely agree that the OP needs to find out the details on her own, independent of her cousin.

But the cousin didn’t marry a man who sexually assaulted her daughter. The daughter’s biological father molested her, not the guy in question. 

The topic ‘Guest list – Sex Offender and Kids’ is closed to new replies.

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