(Closed) Guest list – Sex Offender and Kids

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 61
5387 posts
Bee Keeper

And I thought I’ve read just about everything here…WOW 

Post # 62
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think you should call your cousin and say that you’d like to invite them both, mention that there will be children at your wedding and ask whether that would be a legal impediment?


(it probably will be but they’ll feel invited and he won’t be able to come)

Post # 63
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have a niece who got pregnant at 16 and her (now) husband was 18.  Her OB turned them into the police.  They’ve now been married 20 years and have 3 kids.  He got probation for statutory rape but he’s on the sex offender registry for life. 

Post # 64
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

 Most states you can look it up online for free. Google sex offender and look for his name.  It will tell you his crime. Often sex offenders and those who love them will misrepresent their crime/age of victim etc.


Post # 65
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

What a stupid law. This guy isn’t a pedo. If what OP is saying is true, he would be fine around the kids. 

That being said, OP, you don’t like the guy, you’re not close with your cousin anymore, so don’t invite either of them. 

Post # 66
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You are allowed to not invite people to your wedding simply because you don’t want to. It is your wedding. In the case of married couples though, if you don’t invite one, you can’t invite the other. If you aren’t friends anymore, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Post # 67
678 posts
Busy bee

Eighteen year olds who have sex with fourteen to fifteen year olds are gross. When I was 14/15, I was really naive and definitely not prepared for sex. I don’t remember any girls, or guys, at that age who would have been mature enough for a sexual relationship. It may not seem like a lot of years, but there is a big mental difference between 14/15 and 18. The guys also know this is illegal, so it’s no excuse. If they like the girl, then they can wait till she is 18.

I wouldn’t invite your cousin or the sex offender. He sounds disgusting.

Post # 68
214 posts
Helper bee

Wth did I just read. 

Post # 69
1221 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
nelliemade :  I would not have a sex offender at my wedding even if there weren’t kids there.

Post # 71
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

In my state (Maryland) you can look up anyone by name and see any involvement they have had in the court system- guilty or not, civil or criminal. Does your state have such a thing? It would clear up a lot.

Post # 72
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
nelliemade :  I dealt with a very similar situation and it was stressful for me, so I feel for you. I ended up inviting my family member only and not her sex offender boyfriend. I couldn’t deal with the thought of seeing him on my wedding day. I blamed not inviting him on space and budget though because I didn’t want to make her feel bad or create family drama. She did come alone and was very gracious about it. I definitely understand where you’re coming from and think it’s fine not to invite him. I hope it works out ok for you!

Post # 73
569 posts
Busy bee

This whole thing is bizarre. If I was a guest at a wedding with kids and found out there was a sex offender there, regardless of the circumstances and details, I would be furious. 

Post # 74
1000 posts
Bumble bee

If you’re interested in preserving your relationship with your cousin, you can frame it as a decision that was made with his best interests in mind: You’re not inviting him so that he will not be in violation of his parole, and risk being sent back to prison.

If this isn’t a priority, just don’t invite either of them.  But he definitely should not be allowed to attend.

Post # 75
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think, as things stand, I wouldn’t invite either if them.

You do not know the full story clearly. If you can lookup his legal documents, which you should be able to online, then you perhaps have more to go off on. However, taking the word of his partner is hardly legit especially when it seems you don’t have the full details clearly anyhow.

Same goes for daughter. How do you know she’s been diagnosed or are you going off what her mother said? In child sexual abuse in families it’s a common narrative for the parent to defend the abuser by claiming the child lies. You also don’t have the court documents to really know what they decided in the hearing from her claims. 

So, you really just don’t have enough facts to go off of but you do know that he was convicted of a separate issue with a minor and potentially can’t be around children. So, you don’t let him around children. I also wouldn’t want the risk of my child meeting a sex offender and having their names or our names to find where we might be located or what school they attend. So, in this situation, it’s also a courtesy to the parents you’re inviting. Otherwise you should disclose someone on the sex offender registry will be present so those parents can stay home if they prefer. Likewise, if I was one of the parents and found out you knowingly had someone that legally shouldn’t be around children there (and you didn’t tell me or other parents), our relationship would be over.

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